Luna Boricua

Journey to Santiago - Day 33, Thirty-first Stage

2011-06-08T17:21:00.000+02:00

Day 33 - Pedrouzo to Santiago de Compostela

Distance walked today: 20 km (12.5 miles)

Total distance walked: 526.3 km (328.9 miles)

Total distance left: 0 km

Information on the stage traveled here.

He made it! He made it to Santiago after 33 days of journey and walking! He walked a total of 526 km, almost 329 miles, of a total 744 km (465 miles).

He walked the last leg slowly, no pain, but slowly. And as he was arriving in town, an old lady seated at a bench laughed at him, and told him "there's another hill left." He laughed too, but you know inside his head he called her a bad name! The hill was not that big of a deal, especially after all he's been through.

So he walked right to the Cathedral of Santiago, got his compostela, saw the cathedral, visited the tomb of Santiago (actually nobody knows who's bones are buried there, but they are supposed to be St. James the Apostle's), and checked into the hotel.

He sounded exhausted but happy to finish! His small lesions had grown a bit, but he never lost any more toenails, so he's still up to 9 toenails. His plans? A nice long hot bath and a looong nap!

So any final words from Adal about the completion of the journey? Yes. He said "This long journey has been completed. Now to start the next journey."

How true. No sooner we complete one journey, we embark on the next one. Immediately. We are constantly "walking," always on a "journey," through life or whatever else. May you continue to have good journeys Adal, buen camino always.

N was so happy her daddy finished! You should have heard her gasp on the phone and say "you found all the shells!" She misses him terribly and is counting down the days till his return.

For more information on what happens once you reach Santiago, read this:

"On arrival at the Cathedral in Santiago, pilgrims take their credencial or Pilgrim Record, duly stamped along the way, to the nearby Pilgrim Office and a Compostela certificate (still written in Latin, and confirming the completion of the pilgrimage) is generally issued. Walkers and pilgrims on horseback must have completed at least the last 100km and cyclists the last 200 km, in one stretch, to qualify. You will be asked your motivation: those who do not count 'spiritual' as part of their reason for making the pilgrimage can obtain another document, a certificado, to attest to their having completed it.

For a translation of the Latin text, click here. (Another translation, by Mario Pozzati Tiepolo, appeared in the Confraternity of Saint James Bulletin, vol 113, March 2011,, pp 31-32.)

Shops nearby will laminate your Compostela in plastic for a small fee - an excellent idea, protecting what is likely to be a precious souvenir from damage in your rucksack.

The Compostela (take a photocopy, which the hotel staff will retain) may be presented at the Hotel de los Reyes Católicos who provide 10 free pilgrim meals three times a day. Pilgrims may take such meals for up to 3 days. Don't apply at the main entrance however: pilgrims queue at the garage door, down the ramp to the left, collect their meals on trays from the kitchen, and sit in a small comedor or dining room set aside for them.
It also gives you reduced-price access to the Cathedral museum, and is supposed to give access to the refugios for those making the return journey the way they came.

Don Jaime García Rodríguez, the canon in charge of the Pilgrims' Office at Santiago wrote to all Diocesan Officials, Priests of the Camino, Refugio Wardens and Friends of the Camino at the beginning of July 1999 reminding them of the conditions governing the granting of the Compostela and the Jubilee Indulgence. To read his letter, click here.

Don Jenaro Cebrián, now canon in charge of pilgrims, in 2008 also issued reminders that only credencials recognised by the Cathedral authority would be acceptable to qualify for the 'compostela' from 2010."

Don't worry, I didn't know what a plenary indulgence was either. I had to google it. More information about what an indulgence is, here. We are not religious, and that's not why he chose to walk, but what the heck, it's a cool piece of paper! The Camino is fraught with history and culture and interesting people.

I find it hard to believe yet that it's over. Adal's first completion of the Camino de Santiago. It's inspired me to try something similar, and we've shared it as a family. And through these means we've shared it with our friends. I hope it has brought something positive to all of you. Maybe it's just proof that when you try hard enough you can achieve that which seems impossible, as long as you take it in small steps. That life is beautiful, and can be simple and lovely. Or that family and love can take you very far. I hope every one of you embark upon a similar journey, to bring perspective and beauty to your life. There's so many lessons here I just can't sum it up. It leaves a lot of food for thought for all involved, myself included.

Somehow I don't think this will be the only time he will do this.

It has been a Buen Camino, my friends. A Buen Camino indeed.

Journey to Santiago - Day 32, Thirtieth Stage

2011-06-07T20:04:00.000+02:00

Day 32 - Ribadiso da Baixo to Pedrouzo

Distance walked today: 22.1 km (13.8 miles)

Total distance walked: 506.3 km (316.4 miles)

Total distance left: 20 km (12.5 miles)

Information on the stage traveled here.

Another important milestone: Adal has walked over 500 km! And he only has 20 km left, only one more day of walking. I know we all had our doubts, although we all thought he could do it, but he's PROVEN it. Amazing.

So how is it that the journey from Roncesvalles which is 749 km away has only added up to 500 km so far? Well Adal skipped a stage to Estella, then about 7 stages when his feet were really bad, so that adds up to about 200 km of unwalked path. Not that this takes away from this incredible journey, but I like my numbers to add up and wanted to explain why the distance was not equal to the distance to Santiago.

He found today's walk very easy, very pleasant, and made it all the way to Pedrouza, only 20 km from Santiago. His feet felt great, no discomfort whatsoever. When he checked his feet today he found two small lesions. He's not worried about them at all because they cause no discomfort and he only has one more day of walking. So I suggested he wrap the lesions in Betatul, a Betadyne-soaked gauze they recommended at one of the hospitals he went, and a bit of tape, to avoid infection.

So close to the goal, he is desperate already to finish. I asked him about the other walkers he knows and their state of being. He says everyone wants to finish this sh*t already! He ran into the girl from Cali, Colombia and her boyfriend from Rome. He had tendonitis most of the way and pushed through it to keep walking. I've heard this is one of the most painful injuries to walk through. But he cried and walked through it. They've invited him to dinner, they're cooking something at the albergue. I'm glad, they were a real nice, pleasant couple.

So why did I decide to blog about this anyway? I knew Adal would be so focused on the journey that he wouldn't have the energy to write down the every day minutiae. The stages and towns stayed in, the km walked, the little conversations we had along the way. So I wanted to document. For him. For us. For N. For the memory of the Journey to Santiago, the Way. For love.

Journey to Santiago - Day 31, Twenty-ninth Stage

2011-06-07T18:45:00.000+02:00

Day 31 - Palas de Rei to Ribadiso da Baixo

Distance walked today: 25.8 km (16.1 miles)

Total distance walked: 484.2 km (302.6 miles)

Total distance left: 42.1 km (26.3 miles)

Information on the stage traveled here.

Today is our Anniversary, for the first time since I can remember celebrated separated. It's been a long journey, for us as well. Nothing is perfect. But right now, at this instant, I'm proud of Adal. Because this journey has been a psychological as well as a physical accomplishment. I love him very much.

Two more days of walking left after today. Adal is at a sweet spot, walking easily. Today it was raining along the way, stopping and starting several times. And nobody likes to walk in the rain. So he didn't make it to Arzua as planned, just a few kilometers short. He still walked from 6 am to 4pm! He got stuck in a room with a bunch of young 12 -14 yr old rowdy German kids. They were loud, obnoxious, and even throwing stuff at each other. Finally, they turned out the lights and calmed down. Good thing or I think Adal would have really blown a gasket!

We are adjusting to being back again. Days are so long now! Sun seems to come out at 4 am and go down after 10 pm. But the weather has been gorgeous here. 70 degree days with gorgeous sunshine. N really enjoyed Spain, and now these last two weeks of school are weighing on her. I'm absolutely enjoying my jamon and cheeses, I brought back a nice cut of jamon Serrano and it's just melt in your mouth delicious. I still miss the wonderful octopus I ate there, my, how I ate octopus!

I can definitely hear in Adal's voice the ending of the journey. He wants to get there already! He wants it to be over. The transition was almost overnight from trip euphoria to trip exhaustion. And really, he's almost there. He's almost there...

Journey to Santiago - Day 30, Twenty-eighth Stage

2011-06-05T21:28:00.000+02:00

Day 30 - Portomarin to Palas de Rei

Distance walked today: 25 km (15.6 miles)

Total distance walked: 458.4 km (286.5 miles)

Total distance left: 67.9 km (42.4 miles)

Information on the stage traveled here.

68 km to go! How fast it all seems now. It seemed just yesterday Adal headed out on his adventure. Like an old-fashioned knight's tale, out to discover the world. And even though it has been an incredible experience for him, as with most goals we see so close after having traversed a long journey to achieve, he just can't wait to get there. He really just wants to get there, badly.

He felt great today, almost as if he walked barefoot. His feet were just cooperating the whole way. But when he took his sock off, he was shocked to see one of the middle toes was black halfway down. Now, we know this doesn't look right. So he headed off immediately to the doctor. Luckily, it just seems to be a hematoma, a bruise, pooled blood in the toe. He just doesn't understand how his feet could feel so great and then look that bad. So no worries for now, unless it keeps spreading.

The people are different now, although he still recognizes some long distance trekkers in the crowd. Most are there for the last 100 km stretch, and there isn't the same sense of sharing with others as there was at the beginning and middle of the journey.

To think of all the interesting people I met that were walking. There was a couple from Italy; she was from Cali, Colombia and moved from Florida to be with her boyfriend in Rome. She does graphic art for the Vatican. Her boyfriend said he was crying from the pain of tendonitis on some of the stages. Both were beautiful people. Or how about Alejandra, from Salamanca, who just decided one day to do this, with minimal planning, and now doesn't want to stop. She feels it is an alternate reality she is living on the Way. How to go back to a job, an apartment, a life that is so different?

I think Walkers, "peregrinos," will need a time to recover from coming back to our world. It is a shock to the system to leave this path, this way of life however temporary, and come back to their "normal" life. They need time to settle their thoughts, their "survival mode," and let the introspection they experienced on the journey slowly concretize.

I think I am ready to help Adal with the transition.

Journey to Santiago - Day 29, Twenty-seventh Stage

2011-06-04T17:33:00.002+02:00

Day 29 - Sarria to Portomarin

Distance walked today: 22.4 km (14miles)

Total distance walked: 433.4 km (270.9 miles)

Total distance left: 92.9 km (58.1 miles)

Information on the stage traveled here.

Adal completed another stage today! He made it to Portomarin. He's feeling fine and his feet are doing well. He says as you approach the town of Portomarin there is a very high bridge, with a very narrow footpath that one has to walk. I've never known Adal to be wary of heights, but he says he felt vertigo as he was going across. I asked him what he did, and he said nothing, keep on walking because you have people behind you and there's nothing else to do. Yes, another metaphor there.

He's connected right now at an internet cafe. At most towns there are internet shops, where for a few euros you can connect for 10 minutes. Most restaurants along the way will post if they have WiFi available, if you choose to connect via smartphone. Adal has a very cheap calls-only local phone he uses to call me every day, when he can. He buys minutes as he needs them at the larger towns.

N had a great time in Spain. She liked that they spoke Spanish and was trying very hard to speak it. She asked me how to say everything in Spanish, so hopefully this will motivate her to continue to learn. She played for hours outside in the plazas, while Adal and I sipped drinks and ate food. Adal taught her to identify the seashell shape of the Camino, so she carefully looked everywhere for it, and found it at some very interesting places!

Many hundreds of years ago, pilgrims would mark the road with shell markers, which they picked up in Santiago, due to its location on the coast. All the pilgrims had to do was to find and follow the shells. Since then, the shells were replaced with concrete shell markers, spray-painted shells and arrows (mostly in yellow), large signs put up by the municipality, and everything in between. The result is over 100 different types of shell designs along the Way! Every time N found a shell on a wall or on a road, she would say "Look! The shell Daddy is looking for!" It was very touching to see her so involved in helping Daddy find the shells.

In fact, N and I got little silver shell pendants, a silver shell bracelet, and shell earrings. It was our way to honor and respect the Way, although I feel a bit like a fake, since I haven't walked the Way. But we wear it to honor Adal and his incredible feat. N says it reminds her of Daddy and she wants to wear it every day.

At first she wasn't sure if the walkers without "sticks" (trekking poles) were really walkers on the Way. She thought all walkers should have sticks to help them walk. And in fact Adal says they are a life saver. They transfer up to 30% of your weight when climbing up or down, and across the span of the Way, that's a lot of energy conserved. Since you transfer energy to the poles, there's less stress on your feet, your ankles, your knees, and back.

The Way takes you through some deep mountain towns, and as of Cebreiro, takes you to Galician lands. They speak Gallego, close but not Spanish. Triacastela was about 20 km from the main highway, around many curves and bends. It reminded me of some of the interior towns in Puerto Rico. Getting to Villafranca del Bierzo, N got sick. Luckily, I saved the airsick bags from the plane, since I wasn't sure how she was going to react to all the driving. Then on the way to O Cebreiro, more curves and another airsick bag. Finally, leaving Triacastela and JUST as we got on the main highway, she let out the most I've ever seen. Airsick bags gone, the car seat and floor got the full force of it. The curves and hills were just too much for her. So I had to stop on the side of the road, peel every bit of clothing off, find new clothes in the trunk suitcase, and change her right there. I tried to wipe most of it off and it didn't look too bad, but I was sure the rental company was going to charge me extra. N was a complete trooper, she felt better afterwards (having nothing left in her little stomach, poor kid!) and kept a sunny disposition. I was upfront with the rental company, and completely explained that N had gotten sick in the mountains and their brand new automatic Diesel Mercedes whatever model, that had less than 2000 km when I took it, was going to smell eggy when they opened it. And you know what? They said not to worry about it, I wasn't the first nor the last, and that's what cleaning was for.

I brought back some cheese and ham from Spain. I haven't even opened it yet because once I do I know I will not stop eating it. And it still reminds me of the afternoons in the plaza with Adal and a "clara," a light beer mixed with tonic water, or a Sangria, fruity and light. I still smell Spain in the air. I still smell Spain on my fingers.

Journey to Santiago - Day 28, Twenty-sixth Stage

2011-06-04T16:36:00.001+02:00

Day 28 - Triacastela to Sarria

Distance walked today: 18.3 km (11.4 miles)

Total distance walked: 411 km (256.9 miles)

Total distance left: 115.3 km (72 miles)

Information on the stage traveled here.

So Adal traveled today another stage, putting him in Sarria. Sarria is the minimum distance starting point to receive the Compostela in Santiago, which means that you can walk the 115 km from Sarria to Santiago and get the same church document that you completed the pilgrimage as those that walked 800 km. It seems unfair, but it's not. Those that have traveled from Roncesvalles know who they are, there is a look to them that is missing from those only traveling from Sarria. Not that it is any small feat anyway from Sarria, but you can tell who has walked 6 days and who has walked over 31 days.

The practical portion of this is that are many more pilgrims from Sarria on, since so many start there. This means the albergues and hostels get very full very quickly. Luckily, he walked very quickly today, getting to Sarria at about noon, which was quite fast for travelling 18 km! He was able to get a bed very easily at the alberque, but by 2 pm it was completely full. He says the new walkers starting in Sarria saw his feet and were in shock. He must've freaked out a few of them! I think he got a rise out of it, he he. He's kind of proud of the lesions and callouses he has accumulated on his journey.

There are different flavors of accommodation when on the Way; there's albergues, hostels, and hotels. Albergues are generally free or take a donation, and can be run either by religious organizations or the municipality. It's usually a very large room or two, bunk beds all around, common toilet facilities, sometimes they have a communal kitchen, clotheslines, etc. These get filled up quickly and first by the walkers. Once these are full, most walkers move on to the hostels, which are usually privately run by individuals, but with the same facilities more or less. These can cost from 5 euros to 15 euros. In this category you can also count those rooms which are usually a double room or so, for a slightly higher price. Then you have the hotels, which can vary from European one stars to four stars. One stars are much like hostels, except they might be individual rooms, usually bathrooms are shared. Two stars are nicer, usually have their own bathrooms in suite. And three stars is more of what we are accustomed to; spacious rooms, nice bathroom, tv and a/c, etc.

Today we traveled home from Santiago. We caught an early morning (very early!) flight to Madrid and then changed to Stockholm. It was exhausting. I realized when we got home that we had no food in the house since we had finished everything before going. So, it was a McDonald's day. I took a two hour nap, enough to recover some energy, and incredibly N played quietly by herself and let me sleep! She was such a trooper the whole trip!

We are all missing each other, but we are at peace. We know the other is doing fine and happy. And I know Adal is happy. Very happy. And that's what counts.

Journey to Santiago - Day 25, 26, & 27, 23rd to 26th Stage

2011-06-02T23:27:00.036+02:00

Day 24 - Ponferrada

Distance walked today: 0 km (0 miles)

Total distance walked: 352.1 km (220.1 miles)

Total distance left: 207.2 km (129.5 miles)

Day 25 - Ponferrada

Distance walked today: 0 km (0 miles)

Total distance walked: 352.1 km (220.1 miles)

Total distance left: 207.2 km (129.5 miles)

Day 26 - Ponferrada to Villafranca del Bierzo
Distance walked today: 24.1 km (15.1 miles)

Total distance walked: 376.2 km (235.1 miles)

Total distance left: 183.1 km (114.4 miles)

Information on the stage traveled here.

Day 27 - Villafranca del Bierzo to Vega del Valcarce (on by car to Triacastela)

Distance walked today: 16.5 km (10.3 miles)

Total distance walked: 392.7 km (245.4 miles)

Total distance left: 166.6 km (104.1 miles)

Information on the stage traveled here.

So here I sit late in my hotel room ready to leave tomorrow for Stockholm again. But I didn't want to leave Spain without some notes. We said goodbye to Adal today as we left him in Triacastela.

We spent Tuesday all day again with Adal and buying things he needed in town. And maybe just a few little things for us girls. Well, N ended up with 3 new pairs of shoes, two new dresses, and I don't know how many pairs of hand knitted wool socks for winter/fall which is practically year round anyway. I went for a quick haircut since I can't seem to find a decent hairstylist in Stockholm that cuts hair the way I like it. I found a beauty academy and besides being super cheap AND very good, they liked me enough that they sold me some of their professional hair stuff to me and for a good price.

He headed off from Ponferrada to Villafranca del Bierzo yesterday Wednesday for the fist walking attempt after being grounded for almost 4 days He felt great! He was all smiles that he is walking again. Here they tell the walkers (called "peregrinos" or pilgrims in English, even if they are not walking for religious reasons) "Buen Camino!" which means "Good Walk" or "Good Way". And he was so happy when he heard the first Buen Camino of the day! I checked out of the Ponferrada hotel (Hotel El Castillo, a very good European three star hotel close to older historical part of town, at a very nice price!) and had my last coffee at the hotel cafe downstairs. We saw the cafe girl several times a day and always got our morning coffee there. I told her I was following my husband for a few days on the Way and we talked for a bit about our story. She gave us our coffee and juice for free with a smile and a good luck. These kinds of people just warm your heart!

His feet are better, extremely ugly but better. He may have to take it a little slower now but he's a lot closer to finishing. So we headed off from Ponferrada to meet him in Villafranca. I have to admit that there was something charming in Ponferrada that was lacking in Villafranca. Maybe it's because we stayed there so long (3 nights, 4 for Adal), or because it was the perfect blend of small enough town but big enough to find what you're looking for. Maybe it was that we paid such a reasonable price for a nice hotel room and got scalped in Villafranca. Or maybe it's that except for the business that the pilgrims bring, there's no other big influx of economy there. The Hotel Posada Plaza Mayor was like a three star European with four star pricing. The reception was very nice but I just found it overpriced.

So today's plan was to meet Adal at O Cebreiro, the uppermost point of the trail for the next few days. That way I could drive him to Triacastela and he would save himself the pain and suffering of the very steep decline. Well it didn't quite work out that way. Today thursday we set off from Villafranca to O Cebreiro, which isn't even on the GPS of the car I rented, and once there found that Adal had only made it 13 km away. There was a real possibility that even if he walked most of the day, he just was not going to be able to make it that far up. So we decided to go pick him up in La Faba. Another place not on the GPS, but when I force-entered the coordinates, twice it led me back to a donkey trail that was just not car passable. We decided to try for a larger town called Vega del Valcarce and try to meet him up there. Mind you, when I say bigger town it's because it had about 10 buildings. And a car passable road. From there we set the GPS to Triacastela, and lo and behold, it took me right in front of O Cebreiro. So I decided to stop so Adal could see the albergue.

Off to Triacastela we go, and the first hostel is full. He was able to rent a double room from farther down the road. And that's where I left him. It was a sad goodbye because we had such a good time together and we will all miss each other. It was a fun adventure together. But we need to let him go on his Way, to let him keep walking and find his way. We know he is well and he knows we are too, and we wait for him to complete this awesome journey.

There is so much more I want to talk about, about the pilgrims I've met and the Way's ways, but it will have to be tomorrow, because for now I bid Spain a see you later. I feel I may be back. And possibly as a pilgrim next time.

Journey to Santiago - Day 22, 23, and 24, 19th - 22nd stage

2011-05-30T17:59:00.005+02:00

Day 22 - Leon to Ponferrada (by bus)

Distance walked today: 0 km (0 miles)

Total distance walked: 352.1 km (220.1 miles)

Total distance left: 207.2 km (129.5 miles)

Day 23 - Ponferrada

Distance walked today: 0 km (0 miles)

Total distance walked: 352.1 km (220.1 miles)

Total distance left: 207.2 km (129.5 miles)

Day 24 - Ponferrada

Distance walked today: 0 km (0 miles)

Total distance walked: 352.1 km (220.1 miles)

Total distance left: 207.2 km (129.5 miles)

Surprise! We are in Spain all together! I couldn't say anything before because we were going to surprise Adal on Sunday and he actually reads this blog.

So N and I travelled all day and almost all night to Santiago Saturday, then Sunday rented a car and drove to Ponferrada, where I knew Adal was resting. We drove all the way to the albergue (hostel) in Ponferrada, walked in, and found him sitting by the fountain in the hostel. His face registered total blankness, like he didn't recognize us, like he knew we shouldn't be there. The shock was clear. N was so happy to see her daddy she didn't move from his side all day! It was worth all the effort I went through to keep the surprise, believe me I had a hard time not spoiling it. But it was totally worth it.

Adal's feet were not doing well at all. The skin under his toes was completely gone and infection set in. He had to go to the hospital, where he was given antibiotics and the lesions were cleaned and dressed. He was told to treat the injuries as burns rather than blisters, as it was mostly the skin burned off from the friction, despite all his tricks and methods for preventing injury. Sometimes these things happen no matter how many preventive measures you take. He decided to bus it from Leon to Ponferrada, where it was cheaper and he actually skipped some very difficult and hilly stages. Besides, it's cheaper to stay in Ponferrada. In this town they have a section of a hospital for walkers and injuries associated with the walk, such as foot lesions, etc. And it's free of charge for the walkers. So Adal has been going every day to get his wounds dressed and looked at. I have to say it was really impressive to see his feet, they looked so painful! But they look worse than they feel.

So Friday he busses it to Ponferrada, stayed at the hostel, but to stay longer than one day, you need to show a medical certification. So he had to go get one at the hospital in order to stay Saturday night. Sunday we found him and we moved into a cute little hotel in town. We walked around town, ate lots of octopus and tapas, let N run around the plaza, and turned in early. Today Monday we ate a late breakfast, bought some medical supplies for Adal's feet, some snacks and other essentials, and walked around the Templar castle in town. We stopped for roasted garlic shrimps and chipirones, which are a smaller variety of squid. Yum!

We ran into another walker, from North Carolina. She was also recovering from lesions. We made fast friends and talked for about two hours with her. She was missing her five yr old daughter so she enjoyed N's company. Her husband and daughter will meet her in Santiago. And she's originally from dc! Small world. It was fascinating to talk to her about the Way. I have to admit I'm inspired to at least try 100 km to Santiago.

There's a movie coming out with Martin Sheen about the camino de Santiago, called The Way. I've seen the trailers and it brings tears to my eyes. Please be sure to check it out, it looks like a really good story, directed by his son Emilio Estevez.

I'm connected via hotel wifi with the iPad so I'm limited to placing links and distance information. Once I get back I will edit the posts and add the information.

In the meantime, we're spending quality family time and enjoying Spain. There's so much to learn about the Way and it's walkers, it's subculture and norms, the ins and outs of the traveling ways.

Adal plans to resume his walking from Ponferrada on Wednesday, when he feels he will be recovered enough to continue. We will be here to help him along until Thursday, when we have to drive back to Santiago.

I've never seen Adal so happy. Never. When asked what he's learned along the Way he told me "Letting go. And that life is beautiful". Yes, it is.

Journey to Santiago - Day 20 and 21, 16th - 18th Stage

2011-05-26T17:28:00.001+02:00

Day 20 - Carrion de los Condes to Terradillos de los Templarios

Distance walked today: 26.6 km (16.6 miles)

Total distance walked: 352.1 km (220.1 miles)

Total distance left: 378.2 km (236.4 miles)

Information on the stage traveled here.

Day 21 - Terradillos de los Templarios to Leon (by Train)

Distance walked today: 0 km (0 miles)

Total distance walked: 352.1 km (220.1 miles)

Total distance left: 310.5 km (194.1 miles)

Information on the city of Leon here.

Yesterday Adal found the stage very difficult. Not because of terrain, or hills, or weather. Because there were 17 km of no towns, there was nowhere to really stop and rest. He barely ate, and got to Terradillos de los Templarios very late and starving. He walked straight to the first hostel he found and took the last slot. Then he got stuck with a group of loud and bubbly Koreans. His feet hurt, his toe was really swollen, and he was really really tired. I think it was just a hard day for him.

Today he decided to take the train to Leon, skipping stage 17 and 18. His toe is bad enough he decided to see a doctor either today or tomorrow. It's swollen and though he keeps draining it of liquid, it's not getting better. I don't think it's a showstopper but I feel better that he's going to get it checked out. And I think a rest will do him well. He ran into the Brazilian Jose Luis, so I think they are travelling together. And he's going to meet Juan the Canarian in Leon, maybe to meet his family.

Last night was the Stockholm Gay Choir concert, and a good friend, William, performed. It was fun, political, and poignant. They did a great job and the solos were awesome. I'm a bit tired today, and tomorrow is the Fourth of July celebration at the Embassy. N is still pretty peppy, in a general good mood. But the mornings, aaagh!! I have to draaaaag her out of bed, "brush your teeth," "brush your teeth," "BRUSH YOUR TEETH!" "Get dressed," "get dressed," "GET DRESSED NOW!" "Mommy you're yelling at me." "Then MOOOVE!!!" It's a constant fight against the clock, and i'm trying to get ready for work at the same time. So please, if anybody has any techniques that work to keep the peace AND get them out the door quickly, please please share!!

Journey to Santiago - Day 19, Fifteenth Stage

2011-05-24T18:20:00.001+02:00

Day 19 - Fromista To Carrion de los Condes

Distance walked today: 19.6 km (12.3 miles)

Total distance walked: 325.5 km (203.4 miles)

Total distance left: 404.8 km (253 miles)

Information on the stage traveled here.

Adal is halfway to Santiago de Compostela! He's excited to have gotten this far, and his next goal is Leon, which is about 95 km away.

And he still has his other toenail! He's been saving it by punching lots of holes in the surrounding skin and squeezing all the accumulated fluid in the toe. This relieves the pressure that builds up under the nail, but he has to squeeze often to release that pressure. The most important thing, I think, is that nothing has kept him from going. He just doesn't feel the pain or the small obstacles, maybe because he wants to finish this so badly. And of course there's the time factor; he has to finish by a certain date.

The path has been paralleling a major road and going through agricultural fields, so he saw a lot of wheat fields today. It was relatively flat. Tomorrow there's 17 km between one town and the next, probably the longest stretch he's walked so far without going through a town. So logistically, he's planning to eat a hearty breakfast and maybe take some bread with him for the road.

He's thinking about checking out some lighter sleeping mats. I had completely forgotten he was carrying a sleeping mat. It's not really a sleeping bag, more like a mat you put on top of a hard bed. So he's going to look for something lighter at a store in Carrion de los Condes, looking to shave a kilo or a kilo and a half from his pack.

Remember the Canarian Juan? He's about a stage ahead, and his family wants to meet him in Leon. I'm sure it will be a cool time.

N and I are doing well. Looks like we avoided the cold crud going around school and the Embassy by drinking lots of Vitamin C fizzies. We've settled into a comfortable temporary routine, but this week is sure to be stressful, with lots of work stuff (three projects at the same time and counting), the Embassy fourth of July celebration (I'm on the food committee for 1000 people), and a friend's concert (Stockholm's Gay Choir). But I have a looong relaxing weekend to look forward to!

Journey to Santiago - Day 18, Fourteenth and Fifteenth Stage

2011-05-23T18:02:00.001+02:00

Day 18 - Castrojeriz To Fromista

Distance walked today: 24.3 km (15.2 miles)

Total distance walked: 305.9 km (191.2 miles)

Total distance left: 424.4 km (265.3 miles)

Information on the stage traveled here.

My friends, it seems Adal will lose another nail. The other big toe is suffering. He's punched a hole in the toe to help it drain, but we fear he will lose it anyway. It looks like another toenail funeral is imminent.

He sounded exhausted after today. Maybe it was the 18 deg hill of one 1 km he walked today. Or just sheer exhaustion is setting in. 24.3 km was a pretty good stretch. He's now resting in Fromista. Last night's hostel had bunk beds, and an Austrian girl hooked up with a German guy and strange noises came from above Adal's bed. Yes, I suppose these things happen when you have a lot of young people trekking across Spain, but it's not very comforting to me. That made me a little uncomfortable. But the icing on the cake? She woke up Adal to inform him he was snoring. Yes, the nerve!

Today's question comes from Arnie, Adal's former college roommate and longtime friend:

Arnie: What are the logistics of eating on the path? What do you buy, what do you cook, where and with what do you cook?

Adal: There is plenty of food on the way, in the towns you come across the way. Most hostels have kitchens you can cook in, but it's not practical to cook for yourself. So sometimes if you get 2 or 3 people, you can buy food at the local market and make pasta with something simple. The food is really good in the towns. You grab a quick breakfast before starting. Some hostels will include breakfast for a few extra Euros. I don't really get hungry while walking, but I force myself to eat something when I start feeling weak. You can buy stuff like bread and cheese and ham, but then you have to carry the extra weight. I prefer to eat out most of the time, it's usually not that expensive.

As I thought, once Monday comes around it back to the routine and things aren't so bad. It was deliciously rainy this morning, bad enough that N and I kept nudging each other to wake up and get out of bed. The rush of work and N makes the day go faster. I didn't think I would need to hear Adal's voice every day, I thought I could get by with a few text messages and a call every other day, but I look forward to hearing his stories and his voice every day. Telling him about N and my day, hearing him sound excited, or tired, or hurting, or happy; it's nice. It's real nice. I feel like I hug his voice every time he calls.

Journey to Santiago - Day 16 and 17, Fourteenth Stage

2011-05-22T17:15:00.013+02:00

Day 16 - Burgos To Hornillos

Distance walked today: 20.6 km (12.9 miles)

Total distance walked: 261.9 km (163.7 miles)

Total distance left: 466.4 km (291.5 miles)

Information on the stage traveled here.

Day 17 - Hornillos To Castrojeriz

Distance walked today: 19.7 km (12.3 miles)

Total distance walked: 281.6 km (176 miles)

Total distance left: 446.7 km (280.4 miles)

Information on the stage traveled here.

Adal did indeed stay in Hornillos yesterday, and today looks like he will stay in Castrojeriz. Last I spoke to him he was having a beer and resting, deciding whether to stay or go, but it seems he made the decision to stay.

He is about 40% percent done! And he reports back that the pantyhose under the socks help greatly in the friction. He's a bit worried about his other big toe, it seems to be a bit swollen. I wouldn't be surprised if it fell off as well. But let's hope not!

He keeps meeting interesting people along the way. Last night he had dinner with two Singaporeans of Chinese descent and they all spoke at length about China and Singapore. He also ran into a German girl about 23 or 24 that is walking the Camino with her father, and they stay at hotels rather than hostels. The father has every step and part of the journey mapped out and planned, but the girl would rather stay in the hostels and meet the people walking.

Like I mentioned before, weekends are the hardest. I really miss him. What else can I say? I tried to take a nap because I was so tired today, but N kept interrupting me and made me feel guilty that she was hungry. So after I forced myself up, cooked and served, she left more than half of it. Now I'm playing catchup with laundry. I just don't have time to do it during the week. We have a cleaning lady who comes on Tuesdays, but she doesn't organize or do laundry or put things away for us, so we still have plenty left to do. It's really not that bad if you don't get too behind on stuff. I think it was just rough this last week because for two days straight I worked until 7 - 7:30 pm at home. Work all day to come home and work more (and I mean both work from home and work in the home) is wearing me a little thin. Single moms have my full respect. There's just no break. Or maybe it's because I have no family close to help me out.

It's easier during the week because there's more of a routine in place. Things just kinda run on automatic. So really, I may be looking forward to Monday after all!

Journey to Santiago - Day 15 and 16, Thirteenth Stage

2011-05-21T22:25:00.000+02:00

Distance walked today: ? km

Total distance walked: 262.6 + ? km

Total distance left: 489 - ? km

Information on the stage traveled here.

Information about the town of Burgos.

Yesterday Adal took the day off to rest his legs and walk around Burgos. As I mentioned before, Burgos is the town of the Cid, so there's lots to see. The Cathedral even holds the remains and tomb of the Cid! The entry to the Cathedral is 5 euros, 2.5 Euros for the walkers upon showing their credentials. Credentials are a type of passport showing you are an official walker and there's places for stamps at each town. It's proof you walked what you said you walked. Adal left his in the room when he went to the Cathedral, and he told the girl at the window: "But I can show you my feet!" No thanks, she gave him the discount. As a rule, Adal usually doesn't pay to go into a church (and even free it's pretty hard to get him to go in, unless it's historical), but he had a feeling the tomb of the Cid was inside. He wasn't disappointed!

The rest did his feet well, as they were able to air out and recover. He plans to take his next rest in Leon, another major city along the way. Even resting though, he walked all over the city. He stayed at a nice hotel and was enjoying the pampering. He found an Australian to share the cost with the first night and then a German guy the next night. He's been hanging out with the German guy, a young 21-year-old, a bit. I guess the Canarian Juan found another group of good looking girls to follow. He was last seen massaging the tired feet of a female walker.

Today the plan was to get to at least Hornillas del Camino, and last time I spoke to him that was still on track. Tomorrow I will have to confirm with him his actual stage end.

The hardest days for me are Fridays. That's our relaxing day and when I most miss him. Usually we'll get sushi or pizza and talk about what we want to do on the weekend. Today I got a call from a friend here in Sweden to go check out Stockholm's Titan Arum, the corpse flower, that was in bloom. It only blooms once every few decades, so it's a big deal. The kids ran around, and we were lucky it was over it's fullest bloom because the stench it gives off is of rotting meat. Tomorrow there's a party for one of N's classmates.

Really, I'm taking it day by day, because if not the idea of doing everything by myself will overwhelm me. Just one day at a time, just like Adal.

Journey to Santiago - Day 14, Twelfth Stage

2011-05-19T21:12:00.003+02:00

Day 14 - San Juan de Ortega to Burgos

Distance walked today: 28.7 km (17.9 miles)

Total distance walked: 241.3 km (150.8 miles)

Total distance left: 487 km (304.4 miles)

Information on the stage traveled here.

Information about the town of Burgos.

Adal walked a whopping 18 miles today! Yet he sounded less exhausted than yesterday. He was tired, but feeling well. His legs were sore but not in pain. And he made it to Burgos! Famous city of the Poem of the Cid. He has earned a stay at a nice 4 star hotel for tonight, and a day as a tourist. He says it's a larger town, more like a city, and he has finally fixed his local phone.

The last few miles of the path to Burgos were on a road and not very desirable, so Adal decided to take a detour that added 2 km to his trek but wandered amongst more favorable and safer paths.

He tells me that the Camino de Santiago has three saints along the path: Santo Domingo de la Calzada, San Juan de Ortega, and Santiago de Compostela. He's been to two of the three already! As for one of the questions asked before, about emergency services, he said the town of Burgos had an emergency hotline posted on large signs, and 4x4 emergency medical vehicles dedicated to helping out the Walkers of the path. He saw the 4x4s pass him twice, so it seems the town of Burgos is serious about helping those on the path.

So Adal picked up some old lady pantyhose, the kind that only goes to like your ankles or calves. He's going to try it out because he says the pantyliners work great! They make the perfect giant bandaid.

Today was N's spring concert in school and I took 2 hours from work to go see her. It was a cute outside performance with the kids from nursery, reception, and year 1 dancing and singing around a Maypole. The music teacher, Ms. Swan, played the violin. And N has another loose tooth! This one is going the same way as the first tooth: the adult tooth already came out right behind it while the baby tooth is still wobbly. Better start that Orthodontic fund now...

Tomorrow is the reception year picnic in the afternoon, and I will be there. I feel N needs the extra attention from mom because Daddy's gone. Tomorrow we'll make it a movie night and eat popcorn. I printed out a calendar of May and June for her to cross out the days, counting down the days to friend's birthdays, Papa coming home, and Abu coming to visit. I think this will help her visualize better how many days are left, and help her count the days.

She's reading really well. It seems like it was a bit slow in the beginning, and now is snowballing into a bigger and bigger vocabulary. Today she practically read a relatively difficult book by herself, one of her own instead of a school book with carefully planned words. Only problem is that it takes so looong. It took us almost an hour! But I can definitely see a huge improvement in reading. I was a pretty fast reader myself, but I don't think I read that well in kindergarten, or even first grade. I hate to brag about kids, because each is unique and learn things at their own pace. Kids that are faster aren't necessarily always rocket scientists. And though her reading is really good, her writing is lagging behind. And really, I don't care if she's reading at 8th grade level or kinder, that stuff just isn't an indicator of anything. But yet, I'm really proud at how she tries so hard to push herself to sound out the "tricky" words. And even better? She's kinder to those around her, and more aware of how others feel, which is improving as she grows. THAT is what's really important.

Journey to Santiago - Day 13, Eleventh Stage

2011-05-18T20:26:00.001+02:00

Day 13 - Belorado to San Juan de Ortega

Distance walked today: 23.7 km (14.8 miles)

Total distance walked: 212.6 km (132.9 miles)

Total distance left: 515.7 km (322.3 miles)

Information on the stage traveled here.

Adal sounded SOOO tired today on the phone. I heard the exhaustion and the effort of today. But he made it. He walked from 6:00 am to 3:00 pm with only 30 minutes of rest. Every 2 hours or so he rests for about 3-4 minutes. He's currently in San Juan de Ortega. Population? 18!! Exactly three houses, one church, and one bar. He's looking forward to a dinner of pork chops tonight. Some things never change!

Find more info about the terrain and towns along the way here.

Tomorrow he plans on walking 26.7 km to Burgos, the famous city in "El cantar del Mio Cid" (The Poem of the Cid). He will take a rest there and do some sightseeing. Well deserved.

I asked him about the panty liners. He uses them as a cushion bandage along the side of his feet, inside the boot, protecting the big toes. A friend suggested he also use pantyhose socks inside his regular socks to help. He's going to try it. Imagine, Adal using panty liners and wearing panty hose!

If you have any questions you'd like to ask Adal about his walk to Santiago, or have any well wishes you'd like to send, please contact me and I'll make sure to post them here. Sometimes he can log on and read this blog, and I'm sure he would enjoy that.

The first questions come from my middle and high school English teacher, Mrs. Lynn White:
1) Do you eat special foods for energy?
Adal: beer and local wine and coffee
2) What do you think about when you're alone and walking these long distances?
Adal: "WTF am I doing?"
3) Do you ever feel as if you can't go on and want to give up?
Adal: when I don't have my foods from #1
4) How much is the weather a factor in this long journey?
Adal: sun rain cold heat.. the Camino never stops!
5) Is there an emergency system in place for a walker who suddenly had a serious medical problem?
Adal: they have a 911 lookalike the 112, they told me my nail falling off wasn't an emergency

My question of the day:
1) How do you know what town you are in or if you've reached a waypoint? Are there signs? Do you know how much farther you have to go?
Adal: Yes, for the most part it's well marked along the way with signs. If not, you ask the people you meet walking.

Well Wishes:
Mrs. Lynn White: We're all having a vicarious experience and thank you for sharing with us a journey on so many levels.
Florece Stevens-Shaw: Let him know that I'm very proud of him!

Tomorrow N has a Spring concert. I will be there, hopefully with photos and video!

Journey to Santiago - Day 12, Tenth Stage

2011-05-17T21:12:00.001+02:00

Day 12 - Santo Domingo de la Calzada to Belorado

Distance walked today: 22.7 km (14.2 miles)

Total distance walked: 188.9 km (118.1 miles)

Total distance left: 539.4 km (337.1 miles)

Information on the stage traveled here.

First full day back on a whole stage, Adal made it to Belorado. 22.7 km today. There was a convoluted story today about the Canarian with a lost wallet who needed money and a monk that came to the rescue, and ended up finding him about 4 or 5 km from Beldorado. The monk provided the Canarian, who now has a name, Juan, with some extra money and a lift on the last leg. And so, because they arrived in Belorado with a holy man, it's fair game. At least in their eyes! It was mostly flat terrain, check out the stage here.

The hostel today is a parochial hostel, run by two Swiss men. This means it's run by the church, they don't charge, but do suggest donations. Usually 5 euros is enough. One of the Swiss hosts has walked several times from Switzerland, over 2100 kms!! If that isn't humbling, I don't know what is.

Tomorrow 27.4 harrowing km await him. This may be his longest leg yet. It is a slightly up-sloping terrain, which he can handle fine. The worst for him are the downhills; rough on his feet, rough on his toes, rough on his ankles, and rough on his knees. His toenail is doing well, and it's not even bothering him. His little toe, well, as he puts it, good thing I haven't seen it. It must look pretty nasty. He has a round of peeling the extra skin off and a good Betadyne soak planned tonight for the little piggy.

I know you all must be wondering about the panty liner stint. As he reports, it worked wonders! It felt great, and he will be a panty liner wearer for the rest of the Camino! Hey, whatever works in extreme conditions is fine by me.

And I'm holding out okay. Work is super busy, telecommuting is not easy with N around, and we've got a very early pushed-ahead Fourth of July celebration May 27th. Yes, we will celebrate the Fourth before Memorial Day, as a goodbye to our Ambassador. It involves lots of food, decorations, tents, grills, drinks, glasses, tables, guests, and sponsors. Budget? $0. That's right folks. Miracles for free. And to throw a little extra in the mix, this week N has, wait for it, TWO school activities that require my presence. Of course, I'm happy to go and be there for her, but it makes it that much more crazy. Oh, and a birthday party Sunday, can't forget about that.

Actually, keeping busy makes the days go faster. I'm very proud of my team at work, they are awesome. So I made cupcakes with N as a thank you today. And just to bust their butt, two manly men, we made them pink. With sprinkles. : )

I look forward to his voice. His voice is all I have right now. His voice sounds happy, excited, driven, purposeful. Full of life. Keep going papito.

Journey to Santiago - Day 11, Ninth Stage

2011-05-16T18:43:00.001+02:00

Day 11 - Azofra to Santo Domingo de la Calzada

Distance walked today: 15.3 km (9.6 miles)

Total distance walked: 166.2 km (103.9 miles)

Total distance left: 562.1 km (351.3 miles)

Information on the stage traveled here.

Today Adal finished the ninth stage, which he had started yesterday. He reached Santo Domingo de la Calzada, which is a larger town. It was only about 15 - 18 km, and he finished with no problem. His little toe on the right foot is starting to bother him, and I think he is nervous about being slowed down if it gets worse.

He is at a nice hostel, run by nuns who are the nicest and provide a place to stay for free. They treat the travellers very well. All they request is a five euro donation. Last night, the hostel he was at was "luxurious" by path standards: only two per room! He lodged with a somewhat snobby German guy, and as he was waking from a nap, he saw the German walking out with his bed. Maybe the snoring bothered him? When he walked out, the bed was nowhere to be found, so he must've moved it to another room. So lucky him he got a room all by himself.

He ran into the Canarian forensic doctor, who in his ambition to follow the lycra-clad hotties, walked 40 km! Ah, what some men will do for a woman. Well, too ambitious, because he ended up with a tendonitis that grounded him for today. So they made a hot lunch of rice and tuna and pepper chicken.

And now I will share with you a dark secret of the path. There's a special something walkers on the path use to protect their feet. Now, you may not be initiated in the ways of the path, but I will share. Pantyliners. Yep, most walkers put pantyliners in their shoes instead of insoles, or they use them around their feet. The thin kind. Makes sense, they are extremely absorbent, hygienic, and stay put. So I'm laughing a bit to myself as I imagine Adal putting pantyliners in his shoes to protect his little toe. And laughing a bit about imagining him going to the local pharmacy to purchase them. Ah, if I only had a photo!

Starting tomorrow, he will try to complete the main stages fully. Tomorrow he expects to finish the tenth stage, from Santo Domingo to Belorado, which is 22 km of mostly flat terrain. Luckily the next few days are pretty level, which makes for easier walking. He's been taking Motrin several times a day, but I advised him to make sure not to exceed 800 mg a day, the maximum safe dose. The Motrin keeps the swelling down, pains at bay, and he's been counting on it to keep the tendonitis away. Apparently tendonitis is common among the walkers and can ground you until it eases.

I'm very proud of him. The telecommuting has been working well, when N is mostly calm and keeping herself entertained. She wants to talk to me constantly, and it's hard to ignore her when she just wants my attention. I have to step away for a few minutes to get her food, several times. Just today for dinner she had french toast, 2 hard-boiled eggs, half an apple, and an ice cream sandwich. She is definitely on a growth spurt! She was proud of the sticker she had on her dress today, "for being an excellent reader."

Another day accomplished! And several steps closer to Santiago...

Journey to Santiago - Day 10, Ninth Stage

2011-05-15T20:14:00.001+02:00

Day 10 - Ventosa to Azofra

Distance walked today: 15.9 km (9.9 miles)

Total distance walked: 150.9 km (94.3 miles)

Total distance left: 583.5 km (364.7 miles)

Information on the stage traveled here.

About 30% done with the Camino! He is now in the ninth stage, at a small town called Azofra. He is preferring to stay in the smaller towns, as the larger end-of-stage towns are more difficult to find lodging in. He is averaging about 20 kms a day, more due to watching out for his nailless toe than to exhaustion. He's been cautious to not push too hard on a bad toe.

The hostel he's at is charming, he says. But they have a strict "no noise before 7 am" rule. So he got the tongue-lashing of his life when he got up at 5 am to brush his teeth. Apparently the sound of water running and teeth brushing is right up there with shouting, singing, and drunkenness.

He claims the nail is fast growing back, and the number of blisters, although not negligible, are much less than he expected and much less than the first time he tried this path. All good news. I asked about his backpack, and he reports that the weight he's carrying must be good, because his back is not bothering him at all and he's had no problem.

He's back to pushing as far as he can go now. I think tomorrow he will make it to Santo Domingo de la Calzada, and after that maybe. He had been walking with the forensic doctor from Canary Islands and an Argentinian woman, but the doctor pushed on past Azofra to follow some lycra-clad hotties on the trail and the Argentinian wanted to keep going. That's how it is on the path, you meet people then move on. His fame is still preceding him, he is still hailed as the Puerto Rican who lost the toenail wherever he goes on the path. Amazing that such a little thing causes such celebrity status, but I imagine that the Path walkers have their own society and norms. He's on this stage here.

I think after today's call I felt a little better, a bit more at ease, less stressed.

I asked him why he is walking the Camino. He's walking it because it is an important cultural icon. Because it's a challenge. Because he could finish something that many have not done or finished. The achievement. He walks to have time for himself, to do something all by himself for himself. I read here that he walks also for introspection. He walks to meet all the different people that walk as well. To talk to people from the world over that have this one thing in common: walking the Camino de Santiago. Perhaps to belong to this travelling nomadic brotherhood, that all walk for different reasons but use the same route. To maybe understand that others are walking for very different reasons but are on the same path.

This is not a simple question. I think that some may decide to walk for one reason and end up finishing for completely different reasons. And maybe the reason is the least important of this journey, or the most. Quite complex if you ask me.

And for the more mundane and superficial, last night was the Eurovision contest. If you don't or haven't lived in Europe, it's a big thing. Bigger than American Idol for the US. Bigger than the OTI Festival in Latin America. N fell asleep watching it with me on the sofa. Some countries' representatives were awful, some not so bad, very few were excellent. The winners, from Azerbaijan, were ok. Not the best, but not the worst. They were quite passable in my opinion. Of course, politics play a large role here. Some (most?) countries vote for their allies or cultural cousins rather than by talent.

And N found the dress she wants for when she gets married. She saw it on Say Yes to the Dress, and I am to buy it for her, "on the Internet." It's a cinderella-style tulle nightmare. Although when she saw the wiccan wedding with the fairy wings, she was pretty enthralled.

And here I sit, typing with pink and green fingernails courtesy of N's collection, so we now have matching fingernail color. But no, this wasn't fun enough for her, she told me, she still wanted to play Candyland, you know Mami, something FUN. Geez. Anyone want a little girl for next weekend?

Journey to Santiago - Day 8 and 9, Seventh and Eighth Stage

2011-05-14T19:08:00.002+02:00

Day 8 - Viana to Logroño

Distance walked today: 9.5 km (5.9 miles)

Total distance walked: 114.6 km (71.6 miles)

Total distance left: 609.4 km (380.9 miles)

Information on the stage traveled here.

Day 9 - Logroño to Ventosa

Distance walked today: 19.4 km (12.1 miles)

Total distance walked: 135 km (84.4 miles)

Total distance left: 599.4 km (374.6 miles)

Information on the stage traveled here.

Finally. A call. I knew Murphy's Law was infallible and that as soon as I posted the previous one, he would call.

His phone turned off and when he turned it back on, it asked for a pin he did not have. Yet he still had his iPhone. *Deep breath*

He is currently in Ventosa, almost completing the 8th stage. Yesterday he made it Logroño, end of the Seventh stage. Then on today to Ventosa, about a 19.4 km trek, under a cold pouring rain. Find the terrain info here.

I have no more energy for today.

Journey to Santiago - Day 8, Unknown

2011-05-14T18:00:00.000+02:00

I wish I knew where he was. I wish I knew he was okay. But it's now Saturday, 5:30 pm, and I haven't heard from him since Thursday. It could be he has no minutes left on his mobile phone, or he hasn't charged it, or he lost it, or it was stolen.

And this is what I was dreading about this journey: the not knowing. The days when I would not hear from him. The minutes turn into hours and then turn into days. He's probably fine, but it's the not knowing.

Now the calm exterior is cracking, I'm having a tough time concentrating on anything too long because I'm always checking to see if he called. N is getting a little bit more difficult, since I don't have anyone to hand her off to. Last night we watched the Ant Bully and I made popcorn. It was nice and it was a nice movie.

Today she woke up earlier than during the week, when I have to push her out of bed. She must've been up before 7 am, and bugging me to "get up, stand up, it's time to waaaake up" just how daddy sings it, except he rhymes it with "it's time to go to school." We went to the supermarket to buy a few supplies for the week, and she didn't want to go back to the apartment. I finally convinced her the ice cream sandwiches were going to melt, we needed to get going.

But nothing distracts me enough from the fact that I haven't heard from him. As soon as I do, I will post.

Waiting...

Journey to Santiago - Day 7, Seventh Stage

2011-05-12T18:21:00.000+02:00

Day 7 - Los Arcos to Viana

Distance walked today: 18 km (11.3 miles)

Total distance walked: 105.1 km (65.7 miles)

Total distance left: 618.9 km (386.8 miles)

Information on the stage traveled here.

Adal made it to Viana, about 10 km before Logroño, almost completing the seventh stage. So today it was a total of 18 km. He reports his nailless toe is not bothering him at all, and looking quite good. It looks like it is starting to grow again!

He has become somewhat of a Camino celebrity, as so many know of the plight with his toe. And then they found out he's from Puerto Rico, so he is accosted by many to simply talk. He arrived in Viana to the first hostel and it was full. Seond hostel: full. So he went to the town's tourism agency (it's quite a small town). They confirmed that the town was very full indeed, but gave him the name of two more hostels. So, third hostel: full. Fourth hostel: finally a vacancy! But at 30 Euro a night, it is definitely the most expensive hostel he has stayed at. He did get his own room, quite a luxury on the Camino, and a bathroom. Er, mini bathroom. He didn't quite fit fully in the shower. So, to get the most out of his 30 Euro, he will get up later tomorrow to rest a bit before heading out. He hopes to make it at least to Logroño, but being only 10 km away, he will probably keep going a bit farther.

He says there are many Italians on the Camino, and all sorts of people. Quite a busy path this Camino! They greet him with a rotund "Puerto Rico! Puerto Rico!" whenever they see him. Today he was told "Man, I was feeling so tired and like I couldn't go on, but then I see you and I get inspired to keep going!" I guess you could take this two ways: either they know about the toe and are inspired he is still going, or they see his physical condition with his healthy belly and are impressed he is still going. Either way, I guess it is a bit funny. One trekker suggested he should have taken the nail and made a necklace out of it. Ewww. As a special amulet? But yeah, maybe he should have kept it, as a memory of the hard work it is to walk The Path.

He hasn't been able to even listen to his MP3 player because he is approached constantly by people at the hostels. He says a lot of people carry small flags of their origin on their backpacks. We think he should have brought a small Puerto Rican flag with him. Maybe next time! I'm happy he is enveloped in such an interesting group of people and experiences.

I've told him how many people send their best to him and are pushing him to go on, and he's touched. If for no other reason, for this outpouring of support, he wants to finish. For them, for him, for us. Some people walk it as a religious pilgrimage, others for sport, even others for introspection, and some for the feeling of achievement, a sort of been there done that. I don't really know why he walks it. Not yet anyway. But that sounds like a good question.

Journey to Santiago - Day 6, Sixth Stage

2011-05-11T17:32:00.000+02:00

Day 6 - Estella to Los Arcos

Distance walked today: 21.2 km (13.3 miles)

Total distance walked: 87.1 km (54.4 miles)

Total distance left: 636.9 km (398.1 miles)

Information on the stage traveled here.

Imagine my surprise last night when I saw the news of a 5.2 Earthquake in Southeastern Spain! Even though I know Adal is not in southeastern Spain and is actually all the way north, I worried. I immediately called him to find out if he was okay or had even heard of it. Nope, those that travel the Camino de Santiago did not even hear about it. Not even at the hostel. So far 8 people are dead, but Adal did not know or feel a tremor.

News Here.

So with that worry gone, I asked about his toe. He said it didn't bother him at all, and in fact he had someone cleaning it at that moment to keep the bandages fresh and the toe clean. He took it easy, not making it to Torres del Rio but actually almost there to Los Arcos. So he still walked 21.2 km yesterday! He said he saw so much beautiful landscape and the views were breathtaking. At the end there was no shade, so the last several km were walked in the hot sun. He feels the adrenaline pumping that keeps him going. As the body kicks into a pushing surge, his appetite diminishes, and he is eating very little. Although he did "force" himself to have a hearty meal of ribs, fries, and garbanzos with sausage, so I don't think he's wasting away.

So here's the Stage he almost finished yesterday.

Today he plans to finish the stage he had pending yesterday to Torres del Rio to at least Viana, traversing this stage to about halfway, about 18 km. Depending on how he feels he may make it on to Logroño. The stage talks about descents and ascents to Viana, which I worry for him. Ascents are no problem, he says, it's the descents that are difficult, on his knee and toe. He's popping Motrin almost daily, to keep all general swelling down.

N and I are adapting well. The bright sunlight until late in the night (for us) is giving her problems at bedtime. Even though I have the black out shades in my room, you can still see the sun peeping from behind the corners. How do you tell a kid to go to bed when the sun is still shining? She came home with a gold star on her shirt, "for being quiet in music class" is what she told me. She came home with two new reading books, at stage two! She read both of them to me pretty well, navigating the "qu" sound quite well, as well as the "th"s. And she helped me pick out some snack items from our local grocery store, some yogurt and fancy bread, and some Port Salut cheese. She's been very helpful, but very hungry all of a sudden. I think she's on a growth spurt, she's always hungry! She enjoys hard-boiled eggs now for dinner, something I didn't know she liked.

Every night I must say to her the same words Papá tells her, which he's phrased the same way in Spanish since she can remember. This helps her remind her that Papá still loves her from far away. She's counting the days till June, when Papá comes back and Grandma comes to visit. She's missing her PR family quite a bit, and wanted to talk to Titi Ile yesterday.

I volunteered for the fourth of July celebration here, which we are celebrating May 27. Yes, fourth of July will arrive BEFORE memorial day here in order to bid farewell to our Ambassador, who is going on to bigger things as Obama's Chief Financial advisor of fundraising. Or something like that. So about two weeks to go for this accelerated celebration and lots to do!

So we are slipping into a temporary schedule, as much as a temporary schedule can allow. I think about Adal several times a day, wishing to see photos of what he's seen, eat dinner with him, give him a hug, squeeze his hand. Yet I am calm, destressed, because I am taking one day at a time. And every day is a treasure.

Journey to Santiago - Day 5, Fifth Stage

2011-05-10T20:36:00.001+02:00

Day 5 - Puente la Reina to Estella (via bus)

Distance walked today: 0 km

Total distance walked: 65.9 km (41.2 miles)

Total distance left: 656.1 km (410 miles)

After the loss of the nail, where do you go from here? Adal called me this morning, which I found strange since he is usually on the road way before I wake up. I feared the worst: infection, pain, hospital, emergency, lost wallet. But no, everything was fine. Except he was not going to walk today to give his nailless big toe a rest. He had no pain, no discomfort, but didn't want to risk any further injury. So what did he do? He took a bus to the next stage, Estella. I thought this was smart; he wouldn't get too far behind, he could more or less keep on the road with the group he had formed a small cohesion with (including the forensic doctor who helped him pull the nail off), he would rest the whole day, and he had already seen this part of the road to Santiago anyway.

He arrived at the hostel incredibly early to lounge around and take it easy. He found a computer with internet, and after he paid the fee to use the internet, the connection didn't work. He informed the hostel attendant, who just kind of shrugged and said that wasn't his problem. Boy was he pissed. It was a shame because the hostel was actually very nice inside, but the customer service severely lacked.

I think in a way that is part of his journey, the disconnection from so much connectivity and constant communication. He says he has what he needs, conversation with N and with me when he gets the chance. I am calm about the whole thing, I am incredibly not stressed out about it. If I need a break, I know I can get a babysitter. This is such a big deal for him, he's talked about it and planned it for years, that I am completely blissful that he is able to participate in something so important to him. I think that's why I feel compelled to write about it. I write in his presence, not for him but in his stead, as a stand-in, as a way to share this with those that are following him virtually. I want to remember the little things that happened around his journey, snippets of conversations and our daily life that when read years down the road, will bring us back better to these moments. Maybe one day N will read with inspiration what her parents were like and what cool stuff we did. Or how sappy we were. But she will have insight into our personalities.

If he would've walked it, it would've been 22 km with a terrain like this: http://caminodesantiago.consumer.es/etapa-de-puente-la-reina-a-estella-lizarra

So tomorrow I think he will walk the stage from Estella to Torres del Rio, which is 29 km. I am so pulling for him on this one. This stage will be completely new, since back in 2005 he turned back from Estella to come back to Athens. Everything from tomorrow on will be new territory and parts of the Road to Santiago he hasn't seen yet.

Keep on walking, papito.

Journey to Santiago - Day 4, Fourth Stage

2011-05-09T22:26:00.001+02:00

Day 4 - Cizur Menor to Puente la Reina

Distance walked today: 19 km (11.9 miles)

Total distance walked: 65.9 km (41.2 miles)

Total distance left: 678.1 km (423.8 miles)

Information on the stage traveled here.

Adal made it to Puente La Reina! 24 km from Cizur, he reports that the hill that gave him trouble in 2005 was an easy climb this time around. Clearly due to his training after almost 3 years at the gym, it has been conquered.

His journey today included this terrain: http://caminodesantiago.consumer.es/etapa-de-pamplona-a-puente-la-reina

Some blisters have formed, as is normal, but in much less quantity than in 2005. They have not been bothersome at all. Yesterday evening he noticed one of his big toes were swollen, apparently a blood blister formed under the nail. He was not bothered by it, since it didn't hurt. In fact, this journey so far has been characterized by him as feeling very little discomfort all around, and feeling quite up to the challenge. After his climb today, the descent apparently was a bit rough to his toe, probably due to the toe rubbing the front as you descend. It looked bad enough when he got to Puente La Reina that he decided to go to a small hospital, like an urgent care facility. As he described it, his toe looked like a ham!

After getting the general schpiel about how he's overweight (blah blah blah), they drained the toe of mostly blood and clear liquid. He will probably lose his nail. Of course I told him to take photos. : ) Maybe he can give it a proper nail burial along the path somewhere. He was told to rest until it got better. Not an option! he said. He will continue, he feels so good! So armed with Betadyne, gauze, and rolls of tape, he will conquer. One of the folks he's walking with, just met on the road, is a forensic doctor from the Canary Islands and has offered to help him through "The Nail Loss." Just the type of doctor I want working on him. At least none of his former patients have complained.

At the end of our conversation over the phone, he was called away by the forensic doctor who was going to help him pull off the nail. !!! Okaaay. But you should've heard him, in such great spirits!

Let's see how he does tomorrow. This should be interesting.

This morning as he was packing his stuff up, he came across a small stuffed animal N gave him for his trip, which made him miss N terribly. I know what it feels like, having been there several times myself. And she has this habit of giving us things when we travel so we can think of her, usually a dear stuffed animal or doll. So we "don't forget about her and have someone to take care of us." I told him he should take it out now and then and get photos of the little dog in interesting places, even if it's just in the hostel. It would be a good keepsake for her.

N knows he won't be back until June, so "he will be gone the whole month of May, Mami." Yes, N, and we will miss him. "But you're still married, right?" Yes, N, of course we are still married. He's just on a trip. She hasn't been missing him much because it's still recent. She has been pining away for her grandma Abu though. Crying at night, and telling me how she wants Grandma to tuck her in, and how far away June is.

Today was my first day telecommuting for 2 hours. I explained to N that because I left work early to be there when she got home from school on the bus, I had to work some time at home. "Okay, I have to work too, mami, I have to do my homework." Ah, I foresaw this, so I was armed with practice pages for her to practice her letters. I wasn't banking on her CONSTANT talking, and questions, and singing, and interrupting! Good thing I wasn't on the phone, or she probably would've taken it away and started talking to the other person. Yeah, yeah, payback is a bitch. I KNOW. So after her constant rattling, I told her I was done but I had to clean up and fold clothes a bit. "I want to help, what can I do?" I jumped on that, I mean, I never know how long that's going to last!! So I gave her about 20 of her tiny little miniature underwear to fold. She got to about 15, ended up kind of throwing them all in her drawer after her painstaking folding, and said, "I kind of put them in a little messy. Okay, I don't want to do anymore. You're not mad, right? Are you mad?" No, N, I'm not mad, I'm proud that you helped! Thanks for helping. I mean, what's a little mess when she has her heart in the right place?

And then, our guilty pleasure. Yes, we have a guilty pleasure now. I finally got TLC on our local cable box, and "our" show is Say Yes to the Dress. She either yeas or nays them. "We have to look at dresses so we can pick the most beautiful one of all for me." Yes, N, you see how the moms are there helping them pick it out? "You're going to help me, right? You have to help me pick the most beautiful one of all, mami." And then later, "When I get older, you'll probably be dead, right?" Well, I think I'll be around, until you get really old. "And THEN you will be dead, right?" Yeah, maybe. "People have to die to make space for all the people being born, mami." Hmm, yeah, in a way. "One of my grandmas is alive and the other is dead. Right mami?" Yes, daddy's mom is dead. "But he has another mommy now, right?" No, he doesn't. His mommy died before you were born. *Gasps* "Oh, that's so sad! Aw, poor daddy. But my other grandma is still alive. And grandma's mom is still alive." Yes, N. You're so lucky. You're so very lucky.

And we're so glad we're alive. Even if we have to lose a nail now and then.

Journey to Santiago - Day 3, Third Stage

2011-05-08T18:47:00.003+02:00

Day 3 - Zubiri to Cizur Menor

Distance walked today: 25.4 km (15.9 miles)

Total distance walked: 46.9 km (29.3 miles)

Total distance left: 697.1 km (435.7 miles)

Information on the stage traveled here.

Happy Mother's Day to all and Happy Birthday to Adal! That's right, today is Adal's birthday, as he journeys on to Santiago. And what better gift did I get than a wonderful call from him today!

He did indeed make it to Zubiri yesterday, earlier than expected. He mentioned how it felt easier than last time, probably because he's been walking so much more here and going to the gym regularly for almost 2 years. He was careful to take a short break every two hours. His equipment is better as well, as the boots and trekking poles help. His feet are in good condition, too, only a small water blister or two. He was in good spirits and said that dinner with the Zubiri local was wonderful, in a beautiful house right on the path to Santiago.

Today's stage is Zubiri to Pamplona, about 20.4 km, but he's actually going to be passing through Pamplona since he's already seen it, twice at least. So his final destination is about 5 km past Pamplona to a small village called Cizur Menor (I've also seen it spelled Zizur), for a total today of about 25 or 26 km.

More detail on the stage here: http://caminodesantiago.consumer.es/etapa-de-zubiri-a-pamplona

He told me he's been getting on the road very early, usually starting his walk around 6:15 am. Which is smart, because it avoids the hottest part of the day mostly. Food is readily available everywhere. He told me he's already met a lot of interesting people, a group of Australians, a Spanish guy who's been telling him he snores too loud (which he does!), and, wait for it, another Puerto Rican. This Puerto Rican guy from San Juan only brought one thing: his bike. He intends to bike it to Santiago, which is very doable and some choose to do it this way. But he came with no plan, no reservations, no expectations, no map, nothing. Just his bike. He arrived quite late in the night to Pamplona and ended up riding his bike around trying to find an open hostel. Just the kind of interesting story you would expect from the people who go on this journey.

This morning the hostel attendant wrote on a card to Adal to wish him Happy Birthday. I'm sure it made his day. This is his first birthday since I met him 16 years ago that we spend it separated, and definitely my first mother's day by myself. I'm just proud that he is doing what he's doing, taking one step at a time to get to where he wants.

Today N and I took it easy. We dressed up, set up the tripod, and started playing with my new camera, my mother's day gift. We pretended to be models, made funny and sad faces. I got a text that two friends were at Humlegarden, a nearby park, with an invitation to swing by and bring a mat. The day was gorgeous, about 68 F with not one cloud, so N and I changed into "normal" clothes and headed out there with a blanket, a water bottle, and the camera. Best decision all day! To kick off your shoes and lay on a blanket on a green field is pure bliss. This hasn't been possible here since early October, so it's such a treat! Stockholm is truly beautiful, green, and bright when it warms up. If you had any doubts about visiting Stockholm, just do it when it's warm, it is absolutely fabulous!

Journey to Santiago - Day 2, Second Stage

2011-05-07T18:09:00.010+02:00

Day 2 - Roncesvalles to Zubiri

Distance walked today: 21.5 km (14 miles)

Total distance walked: 21.5 km (284.2 miles)

Total distance left: 722.5 km (58.1 miles)

Information on the stage traveled here.

I was so happy to hear from Adal yesterday morning! He ended up buying a cheap 29 Euro cell phone and calling cards, and texting works. It seems that this solution was easier than trying to find a data plan for the iphone that worked with our local Swedish company.

He tells me all is well, he sounds happy and excited to start. N and him were excited to speak to each other finally. Yesterday he took a bus from Pamplona to Roncesvalles where he will complete his first stage, from Roncesvalles to Zubiri. A stage is basically a day's walk. This stage is 21.5 km.

Extensive detail about this stage (in Spanish): http://caminodesantiago.consumer.es/etapa-de-roncesvalles-a-zubiri

He happened to meet someone on Facebook that lives in Zubiri and will probably dine with him tonight. That sounds cool, to meet with a local in their own town.

As for our life here, today N and I went downtown to buy a gift for a friend's birthday party. The house is on Lidingo and has a beautiful view from atop a hill. Lots of embassy kids, as it was an embassy family celebrating, so I felt very much at ease and in the company of friends. It was a great time, both for myself and N. It was an ice cream social, with toppings and fruits for the kids to put on their bowl of ice cream, which was a great idea. There was even a piñata, which I haven't seen in years at a party. And thanks to the glorious 60 deg F weather, the kids were running around outside, playing in the sandbox, playground, everywhere. I thought, wow, it's been a long time since I saw kids running around like that so free; it reminded me of the times of my childhood, a time of less technology and more outside time.

Journey to Santiago - Day 1

2011-05-06T10:00:00.007+02:00

Day 1 - Roncesvalles

Distance walked today: 0 km

Total distance walked: 0 km

Total distance left: 744 km (465 miles)

Adal began his journey yesterday to Santiago de Compostela from Roncesvalles. It is about 800 km or about 450 miles of walking across northern Spain on the Camino Frances.

Read more about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Camino_de_santiago

This is a life-long dream of his to complete. Last time he started it was in 2005, from Athens, Greece, where he had to abandon the journey after about 5 days because I had to depart Athens quickly due to my pregancy with Inarú.

Adal left yesterday to begin his journey towards Santiago de Compostela, with a flight from Stockholm to Madrid, then on to Pamplona. Arriving at night, he would stay in a hotel. I expect today he will book a bus from Pamplona to Roncesvalles, and try to find local mobile solutions for his GSM cell phone and maybe his iPhone.

I'm following his progress through the different stages using: http://caminodesantiago.consumer.es/los-caminos-de-santiago/frances/

This time around he started with a total carry weight of 20 lbs, which includes backpack, poles, and all his clothes, etc. That is pretty good! The lighter the weight the easier it will be for him.

The first stage he will complete is the Roncesvalles to Zubiri stage, and he already has dinner plans with a local when he arrives : ) This stage is about 21.5 km and you can read more about it here: http://caminodesantiago.consumer.es/etapa-de-roncesvalles-a-zubiri

Today is the first full day without him, and alone with N. The morning went smooth, she made it on time to the bus and I made it on time to work. Starting next week I will try telecommuting for the last 2 hours of work from home, in order to be there when N gets home from school. I think it will be less disruptive for her to keep a schedule she's used to. I miss him terribly, but I'm calm that he's okay and incredibly proud of him.

Of writing again and other things...

2011-03-30T18:30:00.002+02:00

Why start again now? Why not? I write because I feel it. And maybe not about previous subjects. Maybe now it will be about new things, old things, spiderwebs in the closet; who knows where this will take me?

My world is different now, yet the same. My location is different, now that I live in Stockholm. But the problems, the preoccupations, the joys and pains are somewhat the same. It's difficult to pick up exactly where I left off, perhaps because there is an abyss in between. And maybe my posts will pick up momentum, and talk of the ordinary things that everyone wants to read. But not today. No, not today. Today I am submerged in shadows. Old shadows that won't go away. Shadows that block my light and make me doubt everything. Yet I WILL pull apart those shadows, with my own two hands, with my nails I will scratch at that something until I get it out of my eyes.

It's about me, yet it's not. I know you are confused about this rambling, but there it is: confusion. It's not meant to make sense; this is for me, not for you, the reader.

There will be better days, mate. There will be better days.

All about Normal...

2009-04-06T23:50:00.002+02:00

I'm normal, now.

Which means I think I'm a normal size. I can go to almost any store now and find clothes that fit. Well, almost. I still don't see myself as normal, I see myself buying "normal people" sized clothes, almost like I'm an impostor. Like it's not meant for me. I spent so many years begging anything to fit. Now things fit, and it's a matter of finding what looks good.

The biggest change? There's nothing in my closet that fit me last year. Even my underwear are too big. I had to go buy underwear that fit. And pajamas. I had to buy pajamas, size M, SIZE M!!! Even the shoes from last year are too big.

But in my head, I still think I see people looking at me like I'm the "fat girl." It's like I keep waiting for the gig to be up, for the skinny suit to fall off and someone say, "Ha! Just joking! You don't get to be normal any more! Back to your old fat ass!"

I don't know what I see anymore in the mirror. It's like I've changed, but I haven't. Meh. I need a break from it all.

I suppose I'm being ungrateful by complaining. I mean, what a problem to have, all my clothes are too big. Poor me. But believe me, I've done miracles, MIRACLES, to keep myself together throughout this whole process. And keep everything together at home. It's not been easy, my friends. But you know what? I wouldn't change a thing. I'm glad I'm here.

One Year Band Anniversary!

2009-02-20T16:47:00.000+01:00

It’s been a year today since my Lap-band operation. What a year. Down 72 lbs and 5 sizes. Up in energy, outlook, goals, dreams, marriage, relationships, work, and everything else.

I think I’ve gone on and on about how wonderful I feel and how much healthier I am, and blah blah blah. The truth is I asked Adal the other day if a year ago I had told him we would be going to the gym together regularly would he have believed me. He said no. And it’s true, I didn’t even think I could do it, much less both of us.

We take it a week at a time. There are weeks where we both go 5 times, and some where he goes 5 and I go 3 times, or vice versa.

Some of my friends have asked where I go from here. Where do I go? Easy, another 70 lbs this year as well. That is my goal for this next year, 70 more lbs. I may not hit it, because it is getting more difficult to lose weight as I go on, but I’m going to try! I want to tone the flab as well. I know I won’t look like Jessica Alba, and I don’t care. I want to look like me, but the best realistic me I can be.

What a year.

I can’t wait to see what I’ll be writing about next year…

On How I Had the Best Weekend Ever, and I Shared it with Obama...

2009-01-21T13:01:00.003+01:00

Remember my previous post about throwing my own party? Well, let's say the weekend ended up being better than expected...

I came in to work because, well, I don't mind it. I have lots of friends here at work, and I actually had to get stuff done. My wonderful coworkers took me to lunch at Ruby Tuesday, then later on sang me happy birthday and cut me some cake. They didn't have to, and the fact that they did made me feel appreciated and respected. What more can I want?

On my way home, my bff from far away called me to wish me happy b-day. So imagine my surprise and excitement when I walk into my house and she's sitting on my sofa! I just about had a conniption :) I was so happy! The party was wonderful. I could relax because my best friends were there to help me out with everything, all I had to do was drink and be merry. They even made sure my presents made it home with me and that Adal and I made it up the stairs! AND they drove the babysitter home because we were in no condition to drive... We will be talking about this party for years to come as a merry occasion.

Come Tuesday, inauguration day, I was exhausted from a weekend of friends and guests, and sat down to enjoy the inauguration on my sofa. What a perfect ending, the occasion made my eyes watery from watching all the emotion and drama on tv. And brought me back to when I was a little girl and wanted to be President of the United States...

Happy Birthday to Me!

2009-01-16T16:39:00.003+01:00

...or, the importance of being D.

Yes, I am throwing my own birthday party tomorrow, complete with catered food, reserved space at a local bar, cake, balloons, a specially-bought dress, and lots of friends. A lot of people have asked me why. Why organize it myself, why pay for others to come, shouldn't it be the other way around, etc. And I have several responses to this.

It is a celebration of life. I refuse to wait for things to happen. I wanted a party this year, so I created it myself. Why keep waiting? MAKE things happen in life, don't be a bystander! This is one of those years I felt like celebrating, that I felt so happy to be alive!

Another reason was a celebration of the huge change from my last birthday. I was really down and sad, and I was 71 lbs heavier last year. I hadn't really started the Lap Band journey yet. I was still "asleep". The change was not so much physical (although it was) as much as emotional and psychological. I didn't feel like celebrating last year and this year I did.

Yet another reason was to celebrate with my friends that they are my friends, a thank you to them. Life is too short and valuable to mind the little stuff, the stuff that doesn't matter. Too often we don't say what we want to the important people in our lives. This is my way to say thank you, to Adal for loving me so much, for my friends for being friends.

And this is me. This is who I am: uber-social, love to hang out with everyone, love to party, know what I like, know what I want, love to host and entertain and make everyone feel special and at ease. I got a kick out of getting everything ready and organizing it!

I'm going to start 2009 off right, with a party for me and my special people! I can't wait!

Of Deaths, Surgeries, and finding good in it all...

2009-01-09T16:45:00.002+01:00

My grandmother passed away Wednesday, Jan 7, 2009. She was very very ill, and in hospice care at home. It was a long wait as my family watched her deteriorate and struggle in the last weeks. She was my father's mother, Ana Luisa Sanchez. She was very strong-willed, a pain in the ass really, and many times not so nice to people. She was especially rude to my own mother. How ironic that at the end, my grandma ended up having to be grateful, indebted, and dependent on my mother for such basic care such as food, baths, and wiping her ass. Such is family, imperfect, yet we are tied to them forever.

Any other time, I would have rushed to my family's side to provide support, strength, another point of view, just be there as family should. But Inaru's operation was the same day as the wake. Since my grandmother didn't want a funeral per se (I think she suspected people would just congregate and gossip about her), even a short wake was stretching her last wishes. She wanted to be cremated, so my family opted for a viewing of three hours only before cremation. This, I believed, was the best way to go, since it would allow the family some closure in seeing the body lifeless and still, giving the situation an air of finality, as well as provide some time for our extensive family to get together and see each other.

N's operation was a simple one, yet one I was waiting for 3 years. Almost since birth, she's had an umbilical hernia present. I just knew (from mother's instinct maybe?) that it would require surgery to correct, rather than close on its own. Every doctor and surgeon I saw said the same thing: we must wait until she is at least 3 years old to operate. Anything sooner would be an unnecessary risk to her, as well as the possibility for the hernia to re-herniate (is that a word?). So wait we must. She went summers without wearing short tops or bikinis, and everything I put on her was with the aim to diminish the appearance of the hernia. It was very noticeable even over the clothes. It did not bother her, she felt no pain or discomfort, although already at 2, the kids in daycare would point it out and wonder what the heck THAT was. Hernias are very common in children, 25% of all kids have them. Most seem to be hereditary. In fact, right around the same age, I also had a double inguinal hernia corrected. My brother had an umbilical hernia as well, but his closed on its own.

The surgery took about 30 minutes, and it was outpatient (back when I had mine it was not, I believe I stayed overnight). We left the hospital about 4:10 and by about 5:15 she was already asking for food and playing. Kids are incredibly resilient. I did not realize how anxious and expectant I was about getting this operation until everything was over. I am so happy to see N without that huge hideous "outie" belly button. I can't wait to take off the bandage on Sunday and see what the incision looks like. There was a moment in the hospital, after seeing her anesthesized and after getting a quick and anxious bite to eat, as we were walking hurriedly back through the long hallways in Children's National Medical Center in DC to wait for the outcome of the surgery, that I choked up. An honest-to-the-gods scrunch up of the face, an overwhelming emotion of "oh my god we are in the hospital and they are cutting up my little girl" that almost made my heart stop and almost made me grab Adal's arm in panic and fear. Almost. And then it was gone. I put on a brave face for Adal, because he needed it. And then, it was all over.

Because of the surgery, I wasn't able to go home for the short wake. I felt so frustrated to not be there. In the end, the surgery went excellent, Inaru reacted very well, my grandmother's funeral, although short, brought many family members and friends together as only a funeral or a wedding can, and everything worked itself out. I must be seeing the positive side of things lately, because according to my ticker (and my scale), I've lost a total of 70 lbs. I'm halfway there! 70 more to go!

Adieux 2008, Molon Labe 2009!

2008-12-31T18:24:00.005+01:00

What a year.

I thought that being a leap year, 2008 would hold some auspicious power to become a great memorable year. Well, it was certainly memorable. It was the year I woke up.

I started living again in 2008. I decided to get the Lap Band operation. I lost close to 70 lbs. I found my mojo. I got a masters degree. I regained the confidence in my talents I lost so long ago. I remembered who I was. I bought clothes I liked. I started wearing heels, again. I achieved clarity of vision, and even more drive. I began my exorcism of personal demons.

Every light has a dark. 2008 saw my grandfather's death and my grandmother's serious health decline. It shed light on a rift between A and I. I realized how much I had to work on having the relationship with N I really wanted. And let's not even begin on how hard it was to follow the instructions for the lap band and that whole journey.

I have high hopes for 2009. Concretely, I have a goal of losing another 70 lbs. I will work on making exercise a part of my life. I want to establish a tighter and more trusting relationship with N. I want to have a better marriage with A. I want to say what I mean and mean what I say more often. I want to have more fun. I want to make more meaningful friendships.

I'm a little nervous about 2009, mainly because I bid on my next assignment in the fall. I have reached the limit on domestic assignments and must go overseas in 2010. I hope to make good choices, and more importantly, I hope the decision-makers don't screw me and do send me somewhere it will be fulfilling for me, for A, and for N.

Molon Labe is a greek phrase that means "Come and get it." That's what the Spartan King Leonidas told King Xerxes at the battle of Thermopylae, the famous battle "300."

So 2009, come and get it. I am definitely ready.

N, 36 months later...

2008-12-15T18:20:00.005+01:00

Happy Birthday N! Amor est vitae essentia!

This last weekend was N's B-day weekend. She turns 3 today. 3 years ago all of my priorities, attention, focus, and energy became directed to one little girl. One little screaming, writhing, pooping female Homo sapiens. I couldn't believe people did this all the time, have children and raise them and keep their sanity.

N, I'm learning I can't make you into something you are not. I can't mold you into what I want. Just like you could not turn me into something I am not. Separation starts at birth and grows constantly. I obsess whether every single thing I say to you, make you do, do with you, will harm you or enhance you. I'm still trying to find my way as a mom, trying to fight all harmful stereotypes that people have of perfect mothers. And I'll be honest, I resist it. Because I don't want to be defined as being someone's mom. I am who I am, who also happens to be a mom. We are not perfect. The faster you learn that I'm not, and that I make mistakes just like you, the less disappointments you'll get out of life. Yes, some mothers work, and enjoy what they do, and don't want to stop doing it because they have a baby. They feel they have to come first in order to provide the best emotional lessons they can to their children. Not that I wouldn't chop off my arm for you if I thought that would save you from some horrible experience. But shit happens. Learn to handle it the best way possible. Learn that making the best decisions help you make the most out of sour lemons.

You bring me surprises just like you bring me frustrations. There is not one day that passes that I don't think of something with you in it. Somedays I just want you to not be so difficult, other days I can't wait for you to put your head on my shoulder and give me kisses. Some days you are not nice at all, and those days I spend hours thinking where I went wrong, and what else I could do to teach you to be nice. But some days I'm proud that you don't take crap from anybody and if someone doesn't like you the way you are, tough, they can live with it.

The best part of this B-day weekend with you was sharing it together. You helped me pick out your cake, you chose your balloons, you told me who you wanted at your party. You were much more of an active participant, and guess what, you handled it beautifully. You have impeccable taste, and that comes from your mother...

I've made an effort to make your birthday a completely separate event from Christmas, hence saving you from the "Christmas-baby" curse. But truth is, it's a very chaotic time for me to coordinate everything from Thanksgiving, which every year brings lots of guests, different every year, to your birthday, Christmas, new year's, Three Kings (on Jan 6th), ending with my birthday on Jan 16th. I wish I could split it up and celebrate our birthdays in the summer, when it's warm and there's tons of things to do outside.

N, you're three now. I no longer have a baby, I have a preschooler. If I pass anything on to you before I die, I want you to understand this: you must enjoy life. Even the difficult times have their humor, in their own Murphymistic sort of way. You must cultivate your joie de vivre, because you naturally have it, genetically from me, in order to get the most benefit from this gift. And N, I will help you along the way...

Friday, I'm in love...

2008-11-21T14:24:00.003+01:00

...with Fridays. The possibilities of the weekend stretch before you. Shopping, friends, play, lazy mornings.

So many things to do this weekend! My thanksgiving plans include lots of people, as always, and there's always tons to do. On the list is getting bedding arrangements ready, decorating the fireplace mantle for Christmas for our annual Christmas shot, getting the Chrismas shot, organizing the basement and garage a bit for the influx of people, and firming up our menu.

I'm feeling a little better with the lapband. I think it's where it needs to be. There's still some discomfort with solid food but I think it will get better. I'm getting some heartburn, but Tums are helping. I'm hoping to see some normal loss in the next few weeks.

I hate to start anything new this time of year because there's no routine. I tried out a gym at one of the buildings in the area. The pros are that equipment is top notch, very few people use it, it has showers, and it's FREE. Cons: far, too difficult to use at lunchtime, can't do it everyday. But I WENT. I WORKED OUT. And I can't believe how well it felt. I hadn't tried exercising since I've lost the bulk of the weight, and I was surprised again by how empowered it made me feel. How exactly it is going to fit into my schedule I haven't quite figured out yet. I have some ideas, but this time of year everything is so crazy. Especially when I want to get N into some activities as well. It's just a crazy time and I doubt it will slow down until inauguration day in January. Still, a little chaos never hurt anybody :)...

With the holidays fast approaching...

2008-11-18T13:41:00.003+01:00

Looking back at my last post, I have some updates to report. Almost two weeks after that post, I had to have an unfill. I woke up yesterday morning to get to work tired from not sleeping, gagging several times during the night, coughing, and the last straw, not being able to tolerate even water. These are all telltale signs that the LapBand is too tight. I have not eaten solid foods in about 2 to 3 days. So why was I okay two weeks ago, even blogging about how hungry I felt?

Sometimes when the band is just a little too tight, you're able to down liquids fine, but as you move to mushy foods and then solids, you start irritating a narrow opening. The more irritated, the more swelling, the more narrow it becomes. I'm sure what brought me over the edge was the edema (swelling) one gets prior to the monthly cycle. I must be very close to my ideal tightness, which makes it hard to tweak.

The doctor admitted to me he didn't really think I needed much tightening the last time I came in. Given the symptoms, he readily agreed to take a tinsy bit out, not too much to avoid having to come in too soon. His suggestion was to take it easy and stay on liquids a little bit longer until the edema and irritation goes down a bit, and then I should be okay.

On the up side, I was down 6 lbs from less than 2 weeks ago. This weight loss didn't feel so great because it was from starvation, rather than controlled intake. I would not be surprised if I gained a few back, which is fine, as I rather lose the weight in a healthy manner. Part of my fear of gaining the weight back (and my anal OCD with being tight enough) is that I typically gain about 5-10 lbs if not more around the holidays. In fact, last year, from November to January, is when I gained the last 10-15 lbs that really put me over the edge on my health.

Therefore, I feel the compulsive need to combat those bad eating habits that creep up this time of year when you're with friends and family. I checked out a gym close to work and I'm going to try it at lunch time. No promises, no long-term commitment, just trying it out. But I did buy a brand new pink gym bag... :)

Feels like a Setback

2008-11-05T17:22:00.002+01:00

I am so anxious. I got a fill on Monday, less than 2 weeks apart from the previous one. And I'm so hungry. Not like before the surgery, but I am gripped with terror about gaining one ounce back. I also have this fear about winter. Winter is when everyone gains weight. But I refuse to succumb, not after I've experienced how well I feel. I will need to make another appointment, only this one will be in the hospital center instead of the doctor's office. After several months, they like to take a better look at the band by x-ray.

I know I have to start exercising regularly. I know I need something more than "shopping" as an exercise activity on the doctor's form. My resistance is purely psychological. I used to think of myself as the one on the sidelines with a cigarette and a drink, not the one actually doing exercise. But I know my time has come. That I must overcome the mental barriers to health. To recognize that there are no valid excuses. That people exercise in the heat, in the cold, in the mornings, at noon, in the afternoon, with kids, with dogs, when they're tired, when they're on vacation, on days off, on busy days, and so on. Think of an excuse and I will find a way around it. Except to actually do it. I can't find why. I have searched inwardly and don't know why I'm so resistant to it. Especially since eventually I will have to do something.

I think a part of me doesn't want to be seen as one of "those people." You know, those people who are uber healthy, pencil-thin, vegan, sip non-fat lattes, go hiking on the weekends with their yellow labs, eat an apple for lunch, take their kids to baby yoga in their expensive $800 Bugaboo strollers, you know what I mean. But who cares??? Who really cares what others think? As long as I'm healthy and happy, doesn't that trump whatever I think others are thinking? And what's wrong with being "those people" if that's what makes them happy? Who am I to judge? Is it a fear of being one of "those people" or is it a fear of NOT being able to be one of them? Do I fear an exclusivity that doesn't exist? Who knows!! I really don't have the answer to this one, but this is part of the purpose of writing here, to work things out in my mind as I write. You just have the privilege of evidencing my mental diarrhea...

This brings me to my one to-do item today. To check out a gym close to work. There is a discount for DoS employees. So here I go. No promises, just baby steps...

Halloween, or, the masks we wear...

2008-10-31T00:21:00.003+01:00

It's a flurry of activity around me. Tomorrow is halloween, so N's costume has to be prepared, bagged, and ready to go to school. Fall photos came in as well, so a check needs to be written to pay for pics that our families will throw into a drawer somewhere. I have several important projects and taskers at work that are slowly spiralling into one big ball of wax. Next week there is a major meeting with colleagues and bosses that needs coordination, as well as wardrobe attention. I'm trying to plan something fun for this Saturday for A and I and several work friends, but I keep running into snags.

In the middle of all this, I'm hungry. I haven't felt this way in a while. It seems that the last loss of 8 lbs and the small fill of .2 cc combined to give me an unsatisfactorily small and insignificant tightening. So now I have to go back on Monday for another fill. These fill appts are not close, they imply driving 45 minutes one way, as well as taking off of work because appt hours are early. To tell you the truth, I'd rather go more often rather than risk being overfilled, like what happened to me not too long ago. That was a miserable week and a half. Of course, I am anxious because I am hungry (wow, what a change! It used to be I was hungry BECAUSE I was anxious...) and don't want to gain a single ounce back that I've already lost. I'm afraid of gaining any weight back. I've tried to think back and sincerely cannot remember the last time I was at this weight and size. I believe it was over 9 years ago, possibly 10.

13 or 14 years ago (wow, that long??) I was at a healthy weight. Curvy, but healthy. Several things happened that precipitated the gain, but mostly it was hormonal and medical. I always characterized it as a personal flaw, a faulty characteristic of my being, a demonstration of my imperfection. I always thought it was my fault. If I was a better person, more ambitious, less lazy I would be rewarded with thinness and by consequence, health. If I would only run 20 miles a day, I could attain wellness. How wrong to think that everything was my fault. How very wrong. And how dare people preach to me if I only did this or that I would be better off. How dare they.

I guess I have it easy. All I have to do is lose a little weight. But what about those people who have no compassion? Have no common sense? Those that are unkind, and prejudiced, and ignorant? What medical procedure exists to cure someone of stupid? What treatment is there for selfishness or self-importance? How do you make a fake pompous person better? There you have it. But in this society there is no greater evil than to be fat. No more undesirable trait than to be overweight. Missing an arm is better than having flab. We allow others to make fun of and say cruel things to obese people, but would consider it in bad taste to make fun of those with handicaps or special needs.

So far I have lost a total of 61 lbs from the beginning of the process. And to think I probably have about 80 lbs more to go to reach a healthy BMI. I'm sure I will be happy losing a lot less than 80 lbs. But maybe not. Maybe I will feel so close to my goal that I will continue to push for the last stretch. Right now, that moment feels so far away, although much closer than just 2 months ago.

Walking on a little Sunshine

2008-10-24T14:35:00.004+02:00

I had a Lap Band appointment yesterday. It was sorta routine and sorta to be evaluated for a fill. I didn't think I was losing too much since the last adjustment, although emotionally was feeling awesome. So imagine my surprise when at my weigh-in I weighed 8 lbs less! This was really the first time I felt I was seeing concrete results. In fact, it's a little frustrating since I seem to lose it in spurts. After discussing with my Dr. how I was feeling and how much I was eating and when, we decided to give another 0.2 cc a shot. And so far, it's not bad. I will probably need another 0.2 in another week or 2 weeks.

Imagine my shock when I went down yet another size (from 18 to 16). I am now, if not at, then LESS than what I weighed at my wedding over 9 years ago! I wasn't completely convinced this was working, but now I believe it. Man, do I believe it. It is very scary for me. It changes just about everything in your life.

It has changed the way I walk, the way I shop, the way I talk to people, the way I think, the way I raise my daughter, the way I am a wife, how I work, how I play, how I want to take advantage of what life has to offer. I can't imagine what it will feel like when I lose 50 more lbs, but I can't wait...

On Rediscovering the Joy of Shopping

2008-10-23T00:50:00.004+02:00

Wow. You will not believe what I just bought. Actually, I have been wearing 2-in heels for a while. And have been at work all day and been quite comfortable. But today. My people, today I bought my first 4-in heels. I felt so good in them. I really don't think I will be able to wear them all day, so I must bring low shoes to change into. But wow.

I've always wanted high leather boots. So I bought a pair of those, too. WOW! Love those too! I feel that all I need is a whip and that I might be ready for Halloween.

I now fit into XL blouses and shirts. WOW. I have a lot of lolas, so I'm not surprised that I'm not smaller. Hopefully those will go down, too, but not too much. I'm still bottom heavy, but don't know what to do about that.

Remember I mentioned the change in hormones and how it affected my perfumes? Well, I went back to Elizabeth Arden 5th Avenue. The original, not the updates they've come out with lately. It smells awesome! But I just can't believe how even perfumes are affected by me.

And I'm still embarrassed. Embarrassed that people will see my flaws, my love handles, my big ass. Embarrassed to take pictures full length although I love headshots. Embarrassed of the comments some people have made that they have noticed I have lost weight. Yet the other day I had a successful meeting at work, and felt I was floating, literally floating, and almost ran the whole way back up the hill to my building. I felt people looking at me, not in a bad way, but that somehow they could see I was on a high, I was in the clouds I was up so high. I think they were surprised of the amount of energy emanating from me. I can't remember the last time I ever felt that way. Maybe because I have never felt this way.

The clothes are not the end to the means. It is about how they make you feel. For years I have hated shopping. Now I am slowly rediscovering the joy of feeling good...

Letter to a Younger Me

2008-10-19T23:17:00.005+02:00

Hello younger me. I've learned some things about you I want to share with you. This will make your life easier, so I hope you'll take this seriously
1. Don’t be so willing and in a rush to be responsible because once you’ve got it there’s no letting it go.
2. Always remember how fun it is to live life how you want it.
3. Don’t be so sure that others know where happiness lies, because they probably don’t.
4. You have lots to teach others.
5. Other people don’t overanalyze everything, so no reason why you should.
6. Sometimes doing the right thing is not the right thing for you.
7. So what if your over-brimming personality is so very different from others, don’t think it’s a bad thing.
8. You don’t have to try to make everyone your friend and keep them pleased, you can still disagree with them and they won’t hate you.
9. You are stronger than you think, and can do things you didn’t believe you could.
10. There’s nothing wrong with working for what you want.
11. Some people DO appreciate what you do.
12. Live like no one has to approve or validate what you do, there is no test to pass.
13. Say exactly what you mean, don’t expect others to infer what you want.
14. You are more honest than a lot of people, and some people can appreciate that.
15. You are intuitive with others’ feelings, trust that gut.
16. The more you think you know, the less you really know.
17. No one is perfect, including you, accept it and move on.
18. Face your fears and they will disappear.
19. There is a part in everyone, including you, that defies logic and is uncontrollable. It’s okay to not be in control.
20. You are a natural leader, don’t be afraid to take on the role because of what people might think.
21. Don’t wait to tell people how you feel, it might be too late if you wait.
22. Don’t waste the good moments in life, they pass much too quickly.
23. Be present, live in the now, plan for later.
24. Sunsets are beautiful and should be shared.
25. Beaches are your weakness.
26. You are not as tough as you think, you are the gentlest person you know.
27. You constantly do stuff for other people, but most times it is not reciprocated so don’t feel bad.
28. Buy more stylish clothes and shoes with higher heels, not for the material aspect but for the way it makes you feel.
29. You catch on to things very quickly, you are an extremely fast learner, so don’t worry if you don’t know how to do everything at the moment.
30. Remember those little girl feelings? Yeah, they never go away, you don’t ever quite grow up all the way.
31. And it’s okay to have secrets, you don’t have to tell everyone everything about yourself.

See you soon.

Full Moon

2008-10-15T13:31:00.003+02:00

With 53 lbs less, I feel my body changing. My body chemistry is different, whereas now my favorite perfumes just smell different. Not bad, but the scents are just not as strong on me as before. I feel my hormone levels changing, becoming more sensitive to other factors, such as menstrual cycles, temperature, weather, humidity, etc. It seems like my body is trying to equalize/regulate these new hormone levels. Belly fat is notorious for helping to increase estrogen levels, and I imagine in the reverse, the loss of belly fat increases testosterone levels. I feel more driven, more energetic, more aggressive but in a productive way, very difficult to explain.

A couple of months ago, as I was approaching a menstrual cycle, I felt an uncontrollable urge, literally could not stop myself, from buying chocolate and savoring the taste of cocoa. This had not happened to me in years! Many many years. It was the uncontrollable-ness of the urge that scared me.

And I was feeling weird this week. Maybe it was the fact that A and N went to PR for a week (another long story reserved for another post) and I'm by myself. Or that I actually have time for me, and went on a well-deserved and necessary shopping spree. Or that I'm having fun with my free time this week and doing a million little things for myself. Of course I miss them, but I will see them soon. It's not like they're gone for such a long time.

Or maybe this is my vacation from being mom, wife, boss, planner. This is my week to rediscover that I still have an identity all by myself, I don't have to compromise who I feel I am when I am other things as well.

My theory is that it is the full moon that has me like this. I feel it pulling and tugging on my innards, like a wake-up call to life. The moon is so large in the sky, feels so close and engorged, that I feel the connection straight through my spine. Something is changing, and I don't know where it's taking me yet...

When there's an up, there's usually a down

2008-10-06T13:06:00.006+02:00

Soon after my last post, I had some difficulty with the lap-band. For about two weeks I was able to eat very very little, much less than recommended. Most of you will think, "Well, Duh! Isn't that the point? Eat a lot less to lose weight?" Incorrect. When you eat too little you go into starvation mode, and then have very little energy to get around, and even less energy to make good eating choices.

I was not tolerating hardly any food at all, not sleeping well, vomiting every day at least once, getting very little rest at night, and not energetic at all. In fact, I thought I was sick. I put up with it so long (2 weeks) because I thought if I could just make it a little longer, I would lose more weight and the band would not be so tight. But after two weeks of pain, hunger, discomfort, and general malaise, I'd had enough. The last straw was choking and gagging the night before, to the point that I had not gotten any sound sleep.

I knew I was too tight. I knew it and resisted it, because I didn't want the doctor to remove any fluid. When I called, of course the nurse said come in right away. So I made an emergency trip to Reston, Va to get some fluid taken out of the band.

There was immediate relief, I felt like someone had released all the pressure in my chest and taken off the 50lb weight. The doctor only removed .2 cc (ml), still leaving .2 cc that he had injected the last time. So I was restricted, but not overtight. Now I know what it feels like to be too tight, and the relief that comes when you have it at just the right level.

The clincher was that I had lost 9 lbs in 2 weeks, way too much than the recommended 1-2 lbs per week. Which makes my total weight loss, people, to about 53 lbs!!! This is a major milestone! I've lost over 50 lbs! If I feel this great now, I can't even visualize what 50 more lbs will feel like...

14 is such a beautiful number

2008-09-18T13:05:00.003+02:00

I mentioned briefly and in passing that I lost 14 lbs. I'm sure it was more, but I probably gained a few back after starting work.

14 lbs! Even I was impressed. But not surprised. It was a rough 2-3 weeks of not tolerating much solid food unless it was pureed into a liquidy soup. Why did I ride it out so long? Well, I knew I was fine when I was tightened, it's just that I became bloated soon after, which caused further tightening. I was also on vacation back home and several thousand miles from my Dr. And you'd be surprised what you can puree if you put your mind to it and get creative with chicken broth. I was really craving some home-cooked meals, so I took my mom's homemade rice, beans, and chicken, pureed it with some added broth, and squooshed a ripe avocado into it. It was very little rice compared to the amount of beans and chicken, keeping my carbs down.

One thing I learned was how to identify when the food was really stuck and how to get it out quickly. One of the reasons I believe the tightness went on for so long was the induced vomiting I kept having to perform, probably causing some slight inflammation. I had never induced myself to vomit, EVER, but in my case it may be medically necessary occasionally in order to clear the blockage. An important thing to remember is that what I am expelling is not the stomach's contents but the upper pouch contents, which are not digested, malodorous, or that gross. It is similar to what a baby spits up when they eat too much or burp.

Is this one of the more disaggreeable parts of this process? Definitely, but it is a reality one must consider to reach the goal: health.

Speaking of health, I went to my regular doctor to get my 3 month diabetic and systems check and got great news. I am no longer on insulin! In fact, my A1C was withing a normal range without any type of diabetic medicine, although still a bit high for a non-diabetic person. The Dr is confident my diabetes will continue to improve as my weight loss continues. He also took me off my high cholesterol medicine, Crestor, and I no longer need Nexium, for GERD (gastro-intestinal reflux disease). I am now off all of my medications and I still have at least 100 lbs to go!

So many new things to say...

2008-09-16T13:27:00.001+02:00

It's been awhile. Lots of things have happened since we last saw each other: Graduation from the M.S. program, Vacation in Puerto Rico for 3 weeks, guests for a week, starting work all over again, weight loss, Adal starting school again, well, yeah, lots going on.

I promise to tackle all of it, one bite at a time.

Right now, my mind is occupied with only one thought. My washer broke down and I need to buy a new one, which one is the best for me? I've pored over washer reports, washer reviews, washer inventories, and I think I've got it narrowed down. In the meantime, clothes are piling up of course. I'll tell you a secret. I actually bought a washer/dryer set from Sears, with all the bells and whistles, on Saturday. Then I cancelled it on Sunday. And let's just say I'm glad I did.

I'm resolving to post more often. The latest lapband report: 14 lbs down from my weight before vacation! I think I am actually the only person in the world that loses weight by going on vacation... It was a combination of lots of sightseeing, hence tons of walking, and being very tight and not being able to tolerate solid foods well, which caused some slight vomiting and in turn some inflammation which extended the time I was very tight. Got that? Yeah.

Sleep Anyone?

2008-07-21T18:22:00.004+02:00

As a parent, there is little that affects you more than lack of sleep. We are going through a rough patch with N, with sleep, discipline, and potty training. So guess which books I bought? Yep, sleep, discipline, and potty training books! I'm only on the sleep book right now, since it is what most affects us and we're fearful how she will react on vacation. I thumbed through several books before getting this one. Just like the 3 little bears, Ferber was "too harsh," Pantley was "too soft," but this book seems just right. They take a least-cry approach, being realistic that there might be some crying involved during the process of getting kids and babies to sleep properly and on their own, but it doesn't have to be screaming for hours and hours. (See book here!!)

If you breastfeed, bottle-feed, have a kid from birth to 5 years, they have solutions. In my case, I was doing lots of things right. But there are 2 or 3 things we do that perpetuate the nighttime battle. We have a bedtime routine, we put her down early enough (7:30ish) even when everyone else tells us its too early (it's not!!!), we give her baths at night, she has a gate so she stays in her room but she can still see out. But we rock her. Not until she's asleep, but until she's kind of quiet. And when she cries in the middle of the night, we go to her and rock her again. And she doesn't always take her naps and at the same time. The premise of the book is that everyone, even children, wake up 5-6 times a night. As adults, we learn to fall asleep by ourselves and so never fully wake during the night. Children that have learned to go to sleep by themselves also do not fully waken to consciousness. But children that need sleep aids that they do not control (mommy rocking, daddy holding hand or rubbing, etc) need you to recreate the same conditions each and every time they wake. The trick is to provide them with sleep aids that they control, such as sippy cup in a consistent place, pacifier, or blanky or stuffed animal. We used the pacifier until she was two, and then quit cold turkey. That was N's big sleep aid. Then she substituted the paci for the sippy cup. We would get up and fill it again if she cried out that she needed more water. But with potty training, she simply could not drink water all night and learn the potty. So we took it away. But she has not found a replacement sleep aid. She needed to learn that most people do not drink water all night long. They drink before going to sleep and when waking up. Besides, even with a special night diaper, the pee pee was seeping through all the way to her plasticized mattress. I got tired of changing sheets every day.

I am optimistic with this book. They are common-sense, structured, organized, detailed solutions to creating your own sleep plan that works for you. The best part? They have online resources!!! You can download sleep planners, sleep charts, and other valuable resources. PLease, if you or a friend or family is having trouble with sleep and kids, recommend this book. I think they will thank you as soon as they wake up!

Has it really been a month??

2008-07-14T17:00:00.003+02:00

I can't believe I've procrastinated to a month after my last post.

Good news on the thesis: it has been turned in, approved, signed, sealed, and delivered. I got word not too long ago it might be nominated for an award. It sounds flattering, no? Except I distinctly remember my advisor saying 3 weeks before that every thesis gets nominated for some award. So I'm flattered, but not floored.

I finished also the last class I had to take to graduate now in July. It was pure torture answering the questions and writing the final essay when I had already turned in the thesis. I had nothing left, but I squeezed out the minimum I think to get an A.

And then my mom's sister and family from Michigan came to visit. For just a few short days. It was way too short and left everyone wanting a little more.

N is going through a rough terrible two's patch. She's not quite potty-trained, not quite well-behaved, not quite sleeping thru the night, etc. But every day she does or says something new and funny. 2 days ago her tummy rumbled as we rocked together, and she looked right at me smiling and said "I have a DRAGON in my belly!" Aww, how cuuuuute! But then she had to mess it up with the Papitis. She only craves for Papi now. This morning she said, "I want Papa, I don't WANT Mama!" And she follows him around like a faithful dog. Sickening, really ;p

So what am I doing now that everything is done finito? Well, I had a list of things to do, but no energy. I'm enjoying nothing for now. I've been checking out of school and the base, which believe me, takes a while. There's some loose ends I have to tie up, but nothing major. Basically, I'm planning for my vacay in PR. So far, I have two confirmed beach stays, and I'm working on a third. For once, my immediate family is coming first, before in-laws and parents and other relatives.

This post is getting boring even for me, so until next time...

I'm on a high

2008-06-13T20:25:00.003+02:00

Friday the 13th's don't bring me bad luck. Usually, just the opposite. Maybe it is one more way to go against the crowd, who knows.

I am still incredibly high on the adrenaline and stress of finishing the thesis. Yes, I finished it. My original thought, abstract, bibliography, everything. I finished Wednesday and am still reeling from the endorphins. I still have left whatever corrections and comments my chair and reader provide me, but it is easier to fix something than to create it from scratch. I also have to finish up a class and its deliverables. But I am oh, 93% there, if not more.

I got a fill yesterday as well. This fill felt good. It was satisfying and I did not feel hungry. I have gone almost two full days with just liquids. I am starting to feel like I need regular food, but not too bad. Maybe this was what I needed to push me off my plateau, because I checked the scale and seem to have lost 5-6 pounds, just from a day ago. Of course, this gave me another high! I think I am a but bloated from my upcoming monthly cycle, and this can affect banding as well. When a woman bloats, so does their stomach. It is not uncommon for a woman a week before she is due to not be able to get down a lot of food. This is because the stomach also bloats, causing more restriction against the band. The solution to his is just to stay on liquids for the 2 days of bloating, then the stomach will go back to normal. If I am bloated, like I believe, then in a few days I will notice the band will be looser. So I will need another adjustment. Yesterday I got .4 ccs for a total of 4.2 ccs (I think).

N has been progressing well with the potty training at daycare. She now asks to go to the potty. She graduated today to pull-ups so we expect her to be trained within a month. But she still will not go at home. I will be working on her this weekend.

I found this website and I will be trying some products from here: bariatriceating.com. It seems to be a supportive website for those having undergone weight loss surgery.

I felt so good I even went shopping for clothes. Alas, everything I tried just didn't fit right. I did buy underwear, because, well, I wanted to buy something and they were on sale, and most importantly, I felt even better buying a much smaller size panty than my clothes size. Anything to prolong this high!

Potty Update

2008-06-10T03:18:00.003+02:00

N has gone TWICE to the potty in school. Her new school, of course. Although she has sat down a few times here at home, she has only peed once here. I thought the change of school would be more traumatic, but the fact that she goes to the potty there, or maybe they just push the issue more, is great news.

So far I'm really liking the school, but N doesn't seem to be close to anybody yet. Today we got the news that she was fighting with some boys. I tell you, I would not wish the wrath of that little girl on anybody. I feel sorry for the boys. I hope she learns that fighting is not the way you make friends.

Thesis update: I'm on the last chapter and may finish this monster yet! Who knows? maybe even a full day ahead of schedule! But let's not push my luck... I MUST turn in a complete ready-to-go draft by this Friday. Then, I will have about 2 weeks to get corrections and make them...

Oh, and although I was filled last week, I have an appt Thursday with the Lap band doctor. They think I might just need another fill...

Wish me luck!

Another day, another fill

2008-06-03T18:27:00.003+02:00

Last week I noticed my portion sizes creeping back up. That's when I know I need my band filled. When my band is nice and tight, I get full with half a sandwich and very small portions. Sometimes a cup of coffee is enough to hold me down for a few hours. So I made a trip to Reston for a fill.

I'm a bit disappointed that so soon after the fill I am veritably hungry. A protein drink does seem to fill me, but I think it may be the stress. I am on the last stretch of thesis writing and have to turn in a complete draft by end of next week and I only have 3 chapters written. So than means 2 chapters plus any revisions, bibliography, front matter, back matter, appendices. So if I survive, I'll give you a shout on the other side.

N pees in the toilet!!!

2008-05-23T18:39:00.002+02:00

This has to be in the top ten best moments in my life.

N peed in the toilet this morning! Just about 5 drops, but I heard it tinkle! They were like church bells in my ears.

So all the potty talk for a year has finally blossomed to 5 drops of pee. Yes, we celebrated, we applauded, we praised, we sang, we placed her on the altar of peedom.

And now I am worried, because I am changing her from day care in a week. This new one is down the block from us, we could walk there, so we save at least 30 minutes in the morning. But any major change like this could bring her back from the progress of 5 drops in the toilet. So I am back to being worried.

I think this is the turning point when you realize you no longer have a baby, you have a little girl.

And you should hear her sing "Bla Bla Black sheep," she says yassa instead of yes sir. So cute!

N and the pink He-Bunny

2008-05-22T20:07:00.000+02:00

Last Wednesday I was taxi-ing down the runway with N, her DVD player and "Bunny," a pink he-bunny (? Gender issues ALREADY?) who gets the brunt of N's bossiness. The poor guy, who is already pink and must have low self-esteem because of it, gets dragged on the floor of the airport (yucky germs) then gets told in front of all the other waiting passengers that he is in time-out, because he did something "not nice." He also gets told to go to sleep, and in a not-so-nice voice, by N.

"Go to sweep, bunny!"

She informs me he has to go to the potty, then tells me he did poopoo.

"Bunny is poopoo! He has to go potty!"

Of course, she wipes him, and lays him back down.

N also put her Titi Ile in time-out. She was "not nice."

"Time out Titi! That was not nice, Titi!"

But I saw her look the other way and smile. The funny thing was Titi Ile stayed there, in time out.

Back in the airport:
"Where's Bunny, N?"

"I don't know! I lost him! He's hiding!"

Bunny is hiding in the stroller basket. Oh well. He doesn't get treated too well, but better him than me.

Such is the life with a 2 1/2 year old; avert disasters at all cost...

Of death, funerals, and the summer to come...

2008-05-21T20:30:00.002+02:00

Amazing what changes in a week...

Last Wednesday, May 14th, at 6:30 am I found out my grandfather had passed away. My Abuelo who had Alzheimer's and was bed-ridden for 3 years. By 1:52 pm that same day, I was on a plane with N, her Bunny, and a DVD player.

Death is never easy for anyone. But this was a good death if there ever was one. His three children were there, all my sisters and brothers came, it was a beautifully simple service. There was closure for many of us. N distracted and brought joy to my mother, who was more affected than she admitted.

Funerals in Puerto Rico are a curious thing. You end up seeing everybody you mean to see when you visit but never have time to. It is a congregation of old people. Old people like to go to funerals. They see family they haven't seen in a while. They talk about their medical conditions with uninterested parties while in the same room with a dead body. They gossip. (You find out so many things!). They complain how cold it is in the room. And in the middle of all this, you realize this is the cycle of life: birth, procreation, grandchildren, old age, death. You become accustomed to the dead body in the same room with you, you accept it. You are sad, but you know he had a good complete life. It just becomes a body, a shell, and you quickly realize how empty of life a dead body feels. Funerals give you closure: you finally see the body go into the earth, say your final farewells, and close the chapter.

The sadness lingers, but it is a sadness of loss. I could tell you funny stories about my Abuelo. I could go on and on about the dead. But I belong to the world of the living and as such must celebrate life. That is my goal this summer. To celebrate life with A and N because when you are dead you can't enjoy the sun and feel the breeze in your hair...

Goodbye Abuelo! Have a good trip!

Mondays can be good

2008-05-12T21:18:00.004+02:00

The good parts: I have gone all the way to 3 pm with only half a sandwich in my stomach and no hunger. I am now eating half a can of chicken breast and feel full. I now fit in clothes that fit me before the pregnancy, in Greece, circa March 2005. I realized that the mild and strong headaches I was getting last week and the week before were NOT due to hunger (or coffee withdrawal), but to very tight muscles in the neck area, so I have resumed going to the Chiropractor. I bought a new chiropractic pillow today to see if that helps with the headaches.

The bad parts: I skipped out on exercise today. I noticed the clothes, although they fit, don't fit the same due to a hanging sack of fat below my belly-button line. I have to continue to see the Chiropractor to get relief from the headaches and my insurance limit is fast approaching. The pillow cost $60 so it better be worth it! I noticed I have a very hard time controlling how much I eat in social situations such as restaurants (yesterday) and get-togethers at my house (Saturday). I had a rough night with very little sleep and wasn't able to work on my thesis as much as I hoped today.

I did have a good week after the last fill. I went about a day and a half of only true liquids, which is really the most I've gone. Thursday was A's b-day and we had a nice time celebrating it with our small family at home. It was very enjoyable! I was in such a good mood because I finally felt I have turned the corner. Yes, it helped that I tried on some clothes that just 2 weeks earlier did not fit. I've even started to take photos of myself (face only!) to try to see the progress.

I feel N is starting to bond a lot to me. I think it is because I am spending more time with her, we are talking more together, I am trying to have more patience, I am discipling her more, she is becoming more mature, etc. She has developed a strange phobia of monsters and dolphins and anything that looks strange to her. We've had the same lamp, a buddha-head lamp, on our landing since last year, and last week she became afraid of it. I explained to her it is buddha, so now every time she comes down the stairs she says "Good Morning, puta!". Which is incredibly cute, puta means whore in Spanish and it is also the Chinese pronunciation of Buddha. The other day she refused to get in the car because there was a dolphin inside. We are dealing with it by empowering her to take charge of her monsters. We tell her she must say "booo!" and the monsters get scared of her and leave.

If only I could learn to get rid of my demons the same way...

Happiness in a Syringe

2008-05-07T15:08:00.003+02:00

I got my fill. 0.6 ccs for a total of 3.2 cc. And I got relief.

Imagine my surprise when I get on the scale at the Dr.'s and find I've lost 6 lbs in exactly 2 weeks. Especially when my scale at home wasn't registering any change. This is what happens when you buy a fancy looking scale that you think is good at Walmart, trying to save money. I got two weeks of frustration for nothing. Actually, I wonder how much more I pushed myself to do better BECAUSE I saw I wasn't losing.

I was also frustrated that after 2 fills, my lapband didn't seem to be working for me. I found out some interesting information about my particular model of LapBand. Mine is a third generation band. As the bands have progressed from their first design, the inflatable pillow that sits against the stomach and constricts has gotten wider with a larger "footprint". So previous models had a lower-volume higher-pressure system. Mine is higher-volume, lower-pressure. The wider and larger footprint prevents band slippage and erosion. It also means it needs more fills to find the right pressure that works. Whereas previous models were tweaked in about 3-4 fills, mine might need 8-12. That explains so much! Now I don't feel guilty because I'm eating more after 2 weeks of a fill. I don't feel like I am doing something wrong. It is actually the band. So now I am feeling that I AM doing things right, and that there IS light at the end of the tunnel.

Imagine my DELIGHT when I came home and was full with a cup of coffee. *GRIN* Every time I'm filled, I have to do 48 hours of liquids and 48 hours of mushy foods before going to solids. This time I'm having no problems whatsoever! YAY! Even seeing other people eat is not affecting me as much.

Also, I have a secret. Don't tell anyone, but I've actually walked/jogged TWICE in one week. Shhh! I don't want to hear about it. I'm just going to do it quietly and without much fuss. SO DON'T MAKE A BIG DEAL ABOUT IT!!!

anger + frustration = fill?

2008-05-05T16:39:00.002+02:00

I need a fill like an addict needs a hit.

It is very hard to explain how I feel full now or how I know I'm eating too much. The feelings are now in my chest, in the upper part of my stomach. If I don't chew or take small enough bites, it hurts. A lot. And drinking water doesn't help the hurt. There's no way around it except chewing a lot and taking tiny bites. I know I'm eating too much if I want to eat more than half a cup of food for each meal. I'm starting to actually measure it now, and trying to keep a food diary. When you write every single thing you eat down, it's a shock at the end of the day. Even those days when you say, "oh! I've hardly eaten a thing...", if you were to be honest with yourself you might find you ate more than you admit. Eating one or two olives, taking a slice of cheese, even my very dear sugar-free popsicles (which I believe I am now addicted to, and I am not joking here) add up at the end of the day. Why do I have to take a slice of cheese? Why do I eat 7 or 8 olives? I should not be hungry at all.

I think part of it is I am still finding the right tightness for my band. And part of it is eating out of anxiety. Knowing I eat because I am anxious sometimes helps me control myself, and sometimes I realize it and keep eating anyway. Eating for me now is a very conscious act. I have to measure and chew each morsel, making a conscious decision whether to take the next bite or not. I don't want it to be this way, I want to just eat and enjoy and move on. No, I have to be conscious of everything, every little trigger that pushes me to eat one more bite when I shouldn't, and don't need it.

Some people ask me how much I have lost. Nothing. Zip. Except for the initial 14 lbs from being on a liquids only diet, nothing. So much sacrifice for nothing. I thought by now I would have lost 10 to 15 pounds more for sure. What angers me is their comments about how Sue or Joe got the bypass and lost 100 lbs right away. I am not Sue or Joe! I didn't want the gastric bypass! I wanted something healthier, not so extreme. Like I don't have enough pressure as it is, these people are annoying. They have no idea how hard I have worked to change my habits. I don't eat rice, I don't eat pasta, I don't eat potatoes except rarely. I eat salads now. I eat a fraction of what I used to. A FRACTION! And still, nothing. A and N eat normal food around me, dammit, I even cook it for them. Yes, I make rice and pasta and potatoes for them, yet I don't eat it. A serves himself three times sometimes, eats crap around me, hides muffins and chocolates and sweets from me, and yet I don't eat it. You would think seeing me go through what I have been through would motivate him to eat healthier, eat less, take care of himself for his health. If I die, he needs to take care of N, he needs to be healthy for that. He has no discipline, and it does affect me. Hiding it doesn't make it go away.

I have another fill scheduled for tomorrow. Maybe this will be the miracle fill. Maybe this one will work. Maybe?

Food and Freud

2008-04-30T23:52:00.004+02:00

The psychology of overeating is that, well, it's never about JUST food. If you eat because you are anxious, why are you anxious? What causes your anxiety? And what can you do about it?

As you can see, I DID go to my first therapy session. And that's what I learned. Some of the causes of anxiety are deep and hidden under years and years of dust. Other causes are recent but just as damaging. I can't imagine anybody going through this whole bariatric process and not addressing their psychological needs. I saw an episode of "Work Out" last night on Bravo, and one of the trainers/masseuse is working one on one with a client that is trying to lose a considerable amount of weight. This (thin and muscular and good-looking) trainer goes to her house to see her in her environment, and ends up throwing out a huge garbage bag full of bad unhealthy food. He sits with her trying to make her understand that her overeating and bad habits are due to anxiety. She (the client) ends up crying and admitting her deep problems with self-esteem. She clearly needs some sort of therapy, and not from a fitness trainer/masseuse.

My therapist (wow! now I have a therapist!!) did not have a red leather couch. She DID have a yellow/creme suede couch and matching real leather chair. So I was close. Ironically, one of the things she has helped me with (in a week) was to better concentrate on school stuff. She suggested I conscientiously keep written To-Do lists and prioritize the items. This sounds stupid and basic, but it works for me. I always keep To-Do lists, but more in my head than on paper. Putting it down and seeing it written makes me want to cross it off. The day I came back from therapy I proposed to write one page of one final. I finished all 5 pages! The next day I proposed to answer one question (2 pages) of one final. I finished all three questions for a total of 6 pages IN ONE DAY! I wish I had started this therapy stuff a lot earlier in the school year, I could have been done with my thesis by now! But everything has its time. I was not ready to face my issues until I realized I had issues when I got the surgery. I would not have had the surgery unless I had gotten fed up with all my conditions, and that would not have happened if I had not been diagnosed with sleep apnea, which would not have happened if I had not gone to the doctor to complain about my headaches, etc etc etc.

I still feel like I wasted so many years of my life and my health. I know I'm being hard on myself, and I can't help it. If I don't have high expectations for myself, who will? Do I strive to be "perfect"? No, I strive to be happy. Sometimes I get happy when I feel a sense of achievement from doing something right.

As for the new fill status of my band, I'm still not happy. I still think I am eating too much. I'm eating about 1/2 to 3/4 cups of food each meal, and I'm still "grazing" between meals. Mostly I snack on slices of cheese and sugar-free popsicles (15 calories a pop!). I will be calling the doctor tomorrow to ask if this is normal or still too much. I also have my next therapist (I have a THERAPIST!) appointment tomorrow, I can't wait. Now I understand why so many people go to therapists, it DOES feel good. You feel a relief of pressure, relief from life weighing you down.

I can't wait to feel lighter because I will finally BE lighter...

... And Filled Again

2008-04-23T17:55:00.003+02:00

I was filled again yesterday.

The nurse had told me that after the initial fill, due to the design of the lapband, after 7-10 days it is possible to feel hungry again. I was just to call and make an appt to fill a little more. This happens because it is a closed system and sometimes small amounts of air get trapped. As the air permeates out of the system, you are left a little less full than when initially filled. I did notice I was starting to eat the same amounts as before I was filled and after the placement of the lapband: not as much as before the surgery, but much more than how the band was supposed to allow me. I was disappointed and frustrated because I wasn't losing as much or as quickly as I wanted to. So I called yesterday and they accomodated me yesterday afternoon.

This time, the fill is done in the office. It was not supposed to hurt. But the doc hit a "stomach nerve" and I started yelling a little bit (well, I AM a big baby, so what?). They had to administer some lidocaine (another needle) in order to continue the fill. This has happened to me when I inject insulin, sometimes you hit nerves, but I go slowly and as soon as I feel it, I pull it out and try another site. The doc just kept the needle there so the nerve was screaming bloody murder. These things happen, I just had the bad luck yesterday it happened to me. Yes, it was a bit traumatizing and I had some bruising, but I survived : )

Initially, I had been filled to 2.2 cc and yesterday's fill brought me up to 2.6 cc. Not a big difference, but enough for me to feel the difference. They gave me water to make sure liquids could go down, and took a bit out when I told them I could feel the water getting a bit stuck. I am back to 48 hrs of liquids, 48 hrs mushy food, and then solids again.

The nurse told me I should not be hungry in the morning when waking up, and that when I do eat, I should get full with half a sandwich. !!! In my life have I been full with half a sandwich! I'm looking forward to it! My goal is to see food as sustenance, not as a pleasure. I don't WANT to enjoy food, I just want to eat what I need to.

I have a theory: Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE has issues with food. Skinny people, fat people, old people, young people, everyone. Whether it is that sweet tooth, or a late night snack, or hiding snacks, not being honest with themselves about how much they eat, or thinking about food all the time or not at all, or the obsession with organic foods, vegetarianism, you name it, everyone has a THING with food. Most people never have to deal with their issues, they just live and die with them. I have to. I have to deal with every single issue surrounding food if I want this whole project to work out.

Believe me, I did not believe I had SO many issues with food. I knew I had a problem, but I thought getting the lap band would solve most if not all of them. I thought being physically satiated would be the solution. WRONG! True, the hunger is no longer physical. But not being physically hungry allowed me to see I had other levels of food issues. "Why am I looking for something to put in my mouth if I JUST ATE and can't be hungry?" "Why can't I leave food on my plate?" "Why can't I stop when I know I should be full?" "Why am I EATING this if I don't really want to!?"

So I decided I need help. I want to neutralize as many of my issues as possible to ensure long-term success. I have an appt tomorrow with a Psy.D. psychologist for behavior modification. I have never been to a psychologist, but I am open to this. I want to attack each of my issues and pow! pow! get rid of them.

I'm very excited about this! I hope she has a red leather couch and a window, the way I picture all psychologists...

Finally Filled!

2008-04-11T03:00:00.002+02:00

Today, my good people, I was filled. So I'm full. Or so I hope to be. They finally inflated my lap band so it does what its supposed to do. Keep me from feeling so hungry and make me satiated sooner. Alas. Today, I understood what it is to be psychologically hungry.

I'm on liquids for 48 hours, then soft foods for another 48, then solids on Monday. Even though I know I wasn't hungry, couldn't be hungry, I wanted food. This is what I feared. Because what recourse is there? There's no lap band for the brain, my friend. Not yet anyway. So while my physical stomach is full, my psychological tummy is screaming "feed me!" I'm at a loss here, but I will come back to this problem and let you know how I am dealing with it.

The doctor who filled me today in the OR (a little overkill, I think, to be in an Operating Room just to use a needle similar to my insulin needle and fill me with 2.2 mL of Saline...) under the fluoroscope told me I would be 10 lbs lighter when I see him the next time, in a month. Bless his heart! He better be right! And it better be closer to 15 lbs, dammit! I am making such an effort at this, I don't want to fail.

It's so hard for me to imagine losing even 75 lbs, but at 10 lbs a month, by this time next year I could be 120 lbs lighter. I don't want to set myself up for disappointment, so let's just say 75 lbs. I'm happy with 75 lbs off for now.

Thesis Update: I have started. Lo and behold I have about 10 pages written. Only about 60 to go for a bare bones meet-the-requirement-and-graduate thesis. And really, I don't think I'll be winning any awards with this one... Ironically, I am now consumed with all my free time going to writing the thing. I mean, I am DRIVEN. Now, why couldn't this drive have started 3 or 4 months ago?? I could've finished the stupid thing by now!

N update: N is talking so much. Her favorite movie now is happy feet. She says "I want to see Mumble." That's the name of the main penguin. She broke her crib, so we had to get the toddler bed. It was a rough two nights, but now she basically falls asleep by herself IN HER BED after she gets 2 stories read to her. And it takes minutes for her to quiet down versus the HOURS it used to take. AND she has a new trike that I put together for her all by myself! Ahhh, but that's a post in and of itself with photos and everything. You'll see why...

Slow going

2008-03-27T23:50:00.003+01:00

It's been several weeks, and I am a bit disappointed with the slow going. Slowly over time, I've migrated to solid food. And have increased the volume of food. I'm sticking to high protein food and fruits and vegetables. No rice, no pasta, no starchy foods except for the occasional sandwich with whole wheat bread and Kashi cereal. And yet, I am stuck at the same weight. I realize I lost the initial 14 lbs because I was on a liquid protein diet for about 2 weeks. Now I am eating lots of salads and healthy stuff, but no weight loss.

I have an appt in about 3 weeks to fill the lap band for the first time. Hopefully this will bring on another dip in weight. I have to be honest, my exercise level has been very low. I was hoping to lose more weight so it would be easier to exercise.

In the mean time, N and A have come back from their vacation and I feel like a whole person again. I'm having problems posting photos and I think it's because I have Vista.

Meanwhile the thesis has acquired a nasty attitude, wanting attention. I'm so stressed about it I'm having nightmares about not finishing it.

N at the beach!

2008-03-11T00:55:00.002+01:00

N is on vacation with my parents in PR. My mom took her for two weeks and A is going for a week to pick her up. This is supposed to give me time to adjust to my new eating habits and time to write my thesis. All I can do is mope around missing her!! N, on the other hand, is having a blast and getting spoiled. I know this has nothing to do with the Lap Band, but I can't help it. She looks so cute! Here's a vid they sent me of her first day at a beach. Notice the confident strut like she's used to hanging out by the ocean:

Life following post-op

2008-03-05T00:02:00.002+01:00

My incisions are small and healing well! 4 days after surgery and I was back at school. Driving wasn't so bad; walking long distances and climbing stairs, well, I could have used 1 or 2 more days of rest. Not that my professors are so cruel as to MAKE me go, but the quarter just started and I hate to miss stuff the first day.

The diet after the lap band operation was simply liquids like protein shakes and soups. My favorites? Trader Joe's has great protein shakes in a can ready to go, with 35 g of protein and 4 g of carbs, and I suggest the chocolate flavor. Trader Joe's also has a variety of soups in a box, with my favorite being the Organic Tomato Soup. They come in a box similar to the UHT or soy milk boxes, very convenient and easy, and now I've hooked the rest of my family on them. We'll probably continue to eat them! At the end of one week, liquids just weren't cutting it for me, I was pretty hungry!

At my week after dr appt, everything looks really good and I was moved to mushy food. So I can eat basically anything I can puree in a blender. Believe me, I can puree almost anything!!! I'm trying to stick to protein shakes, pureed soft meats like shrimp, tuna, chicken in a can, and veggies and fruits. So far it's working, but I find myself eating a little more and more. That's okay since my band hasn't been filled with saline, the Dr wants to wait until my stomach and the port incision is completely healed before filling the band.

Supposedly, I lost 14 lbs!! But I know that's mainly from being on a restricted liquid diet and that I may actually gain some of that back before losing it again. In the meantime, I'm enjoying the feeling of loose jeans!!

Good news: I have pics! Both inside and out! The Dr took photos with his laparoscope when he was placing the lap band so those will be up soon. I took pics of the incisions only to show you that it really wasn't so bad.

The Post Op Update

2008-02-22T21:15:00.001+01:00

The surgery was a success.

Everything went great! I arrived at the hospital early after dropping off N at the daycare and my mom and I joked until they gave me the special cocktail. Mom says I was acting like a drunk as I gave her my hearing aids and glasses. I do sort of remember starting to come out of it as they were removing the breathing tube which was a little unpleasant. I was very emotional when I woke up, sobbing very hard and almost uncontrollably, which apparently can be a side effect of some anesthesia types. The most ironic part is I distinctly remember them wheeling me through a hallway that was probably close to the cafeteria, because I was so overwhelmed by the smell of food that all I could think about was how hungry I was!! Maybe they should have removed the smelling portion of my nose while they were at it...

I was able to sip water and suck on ice very soon after surgery, which is an indication that all it well with the band and the placement. That night I was able to stand by myself and walk to the bathroom in my hospital room. Of course, there were a lot of painkillers moving intravenously through my system, so I'm sure that helped. The next afternoon I was home! I was able to walk up the stairs okay. Every day brings huge improvement. I made it to the other side...

Takeoff!!

2008-02-20T15:53:00.000+01:00

This is it. I am packed and ready to go. Only 6 oz of clear liquids until 10:30 am, so I have just a cup of black coffee in my system. Extra strength expresso black gold to keep me going.

I have been overwhelmed by the immense outpouring of good wishes by friends and family. I think everyone understands how important this is to me and what a drastic change it will make in my life. I am hoping that right now this will be the heaviest weight (and most unhealthy) I will ever be for the rest of my life. But I still can't wrap my head around being a normal weight. I can't even imagine being 75 lbs lighter, much less 150.

But today it is not about that. Today is about making sure I tell everyone how much I love them and appreciate the support. Today is about not living in regret. No matter what happens, I can never say I regretted my decisions.

I'll see you on the other side!

Nerves are getting to me!!!

2008-02-20T05:48:00.000+01:00

Okay, now I’m getting nervous. Friends are calling and e-mailing me good luck, and that’s making me real nervous. Luckily I’m so hungry, I’m a bit disoriented, so everything is kind of dream-like. I will try to squeeze in one more post tomorrow before leaving for the hospital…

For those REALLY interested, here’s a great video of the operation.

T minus one day!

2008-02-20T02:46:00.000+01:00

Tomorrow is the operation. I am getting antsy. I feel like I didn’t get all I wanted to get done. Christmas decorations are still up, for crissakes!!! Laundry is clean, but unfolded. My mom’s flight was delayed, but not too bad. I’ll be going soon to pick her up. Inaru had a blast at Finding Nemo yesterday!!! I always forget how commercial those shows are, but this one wasn’t so bad. The whole underwater theme, the lights, the costumes, the music, the dancing, the skating was all perfect. And the view from the third row from the ice was not bad either. Inaru stayed still and watched the whole thing. It was a perfect family outing. I think it was a little too much for A, but we went for N’s sake, not ours, and I enjoyed watching N enjoy it. Her eyes lit up and she laughed and pointed and “Uh-Oh”-ed and commented.

I feel like I’m surviving on coffee. Coffee and a protein shake. I’m so hungry I’m not even hungry anymore, I’m not sure if you get that. The plus side is without much food in the system, medicines work fast and well. That little Ambien last night had me drowsy in 10 minutes… Ahhh, sleep. I’ve never had a problem sleeping until recently. And sleeping with a mask is not easy, either.

I realize a lot of people have no idea what I’m talking about. For some reason, I forgot to explain that part. I am getting the Lap Band. It is not gastric bypass. It is a removable, reversible, and adjustable band that goes around the upper part of the stomach. It creates a new much smaller pouch that allows you to eat very very little and feel satiated for a much longer time. It is not the magic bullet. It is a tool. I will still have to eat healthy, exercise, and work on my psychological needs for food, although physiologically I will feel full. I have no idea what to expect in weight loss and how fast. Everyone is different. My goal is to be a healthy BMI (Body Mass Index). Hopefully, as I lose weight, my health conditions will improve. Keep in mind I have a BMI now of 56.

The Pre-Op Oops

2008-02-17T15:57:00.000+01:00

I just realized last night I made a big mistake. I misunderstood that the pre-op diet was an Atkins-like diet just with more protein shakes. WRONG! It is a LIQUID PROTEIN diet. As in no cheese and ham and tons of meat, and especially not a bag of fried chicken wings like I’ve eaten this week!! I realized when I was explaining the diet to a friend last night and as I was reading out of the great manual they’ve given me, that it was LIQUIDS only. OOPS. Oh well. Today I’ve been on liquids only, and it hasn’t been so bad because I’ve already weaned myself off the carbs. So I wasn’t feeling so hungry anymore anyway. I hope that in the next three days I’m able to catch up what I didn’t do the last 4 days and that I’m able to shrink my liver enough to give the surgeon enough space to do the operation.

I have been remiss with the exercise. I have not walked 15 minutes every day. But that too I hope to start soon. I am already a little anxious about the waiting. I want it to be Wednesday and in the OR already. Tomorrow we take N to see Finding Nemo On Ice. Her first ever! I am excited for her, although she doesn’t even understand we’re taking her. I know once the show starts she will love it: the lights, the costumes, the music, the dancing. I hope to take lots of pictures.

Some people have asked me if I am nervous about the operation. Not really. I wanted it done yesterday. But I know the minute I step into the hospital and I’m sitting on the bed in my hospital gown, I will panic. I will make jokes with the nurses, I will make faces, it will be all very humorous, but I will panic. I will be completely panicked until the sedation begins, then I will willingly give in to the sleepiness with no reservations and will just feel relieved that I’m going going gone.

The Pre-Op Diet

2008-02-14T15:55:00.000+01:00

This pre-op diet is killing me!!! Yesterday morning was okay, but at about 2 pm, I started getting migraines. Ahhhh! The pain was intense. It just got worse and worse. I had to go lay down at around 5:30 pm and poor A had to deal with N by himself. I had to get up at 7:30 pm to have the rest of my protein, and the pain was unbearable. I was getting nausea from the pain. I really think it was withdrawal from carbs. The diet consists of more than 70 grams of protein, via protein shakes and powders, and less than 50 grams of carbs. It may sound like a lot, but 50 gr of carbs are nothing. In fact, a cup of soymilk has 10 grams! When you add the protein powder, that’s about 14 grams right there. So I supplemented with cheddar cheese, mozzarella, ham, prosciutto, and shrimp. A bit decadent, no??

I felt handicapped by these migraines. What finally took the edge off was 2 regular Tylenol, 2 Tylenol PMs, and an Ambien. That’s how I was able to get to sleep and some respite from the pain. But I was crying already from the pain.

So this morning, when N got up at 5:30 am crying, I couldn’t take care of her, the sleeping pills were still in my body. Somehow A got me out of bed to comb her hair, which I vaguely remember putting a barrette to the side of the hair while she brushed her teeth. I think.

This morning I awoke with no pain. Yet. I’m very weak and I find it hard to concentrate. All I want to do is lay in bed. But I am not giving up on this diet!! This diet is designed to shrink my organs, especially my liver, to make the operation safer and more effective. The liver is lying right on top of my stomach where they need to work, so this diet shrinks it by 1/3. If not, they could nick my liver, putting me in danger of losing part of it and internal bleeding. It is also to prepare me physically and emotionally for what’s to come. More on that later…
I hope this is the last Valentine’s day I will ever live through at this weight. I hope to be at least 50-75 lbs lighter by next year…

The Pre-Op Appointment

2008-02-11T23:40:00.000+01:00

Well, I did it. Everything got done. I went to Dr. Yang, my primary doctor, and got the operation cleared through him. He wrote the letter and sent my blood tests to Dr. Pinnar.

Today was the pre-operation appt with Dr. Pinnar. I received a “manual” with everything I needed to know before, during, and after the operation. The manual is very upfront about everything, about the NECESSARY changes I need to make, which are NOT optional if I don’t want to be throwing up my food all day and go to the hospital for dehydration. It was very specific, with specific brands of protein listed, websites or stores that sell them, how much to take, shopping lists, chewing exercises, everything. The RN Sue, a very special person to me, talked it over about what to expect, and I asked questions about pain management. Bottom line: take the damn meds if you need them for a few days, and the faster you walk around the faster you heal. The more protein you take, the better you heal. Then Dr. Pinnar saw me one last time, took before pictures (I smiled my ass off, I was so happy!!!), took my weight, and told me I was ready to start the Pre-op diet Feb 13, and operation FEBRUARY 20th!!!!! YES!!!!

I went to Costco and Trader Joe’s and bought some protein shakes and soups and supplies. But I have to write a good shopping list of things I need.

Barium, anyone?

2008-01-30T23:39:00.000+01:00

I got the Barium swallow done. That was most disagreeable!! It’s an X-ray done while you’re swallowing a chalky liquid. Needless to say, the Chalky Liquid was pretty disgusting. The good thing is the radiologists all know how bad it is and they make you sip only what you have to. So the study was done in 5 minutes. When I went to change into my clothes again, I had chalk all over my lips. Blech! I could taste the chalk all they home. But it was done, D-U-N!!!

The First Consultation Appointment

2008-01-23T23:36:00.000+01:00

The 23rd of Jan was my first appt with Dr. Pinnar. I got there super early, I met Sue, the RN in charge of seeing the patients. She was awesome. Very personable and informative. I was able to get lots of questions answered about the procedure, before and after. She gave me a list of items I needed to get done and to the office before my next appt which was the pre-operative appt. I needed a psychological evaluation, complete battery of blood tests and letter from my primary doctor clearing me for the operation, and a barium swallow fluoroscopy to check the motility of my esophagus and the condition of my hiatal hernia, which they were gonna fix at the same time!

The Psych eval was not what I expected. It was not just an interview with a psychologist. First of all, the Doctor is in Reston and the procedure will be done at the Reston Hospital Center. That’s about 45 minutes from where I live with no traffic, it’s close to the Dulles Airport. So everything I could get done at the same time was better for me. As soon as I walked out of Dr. Pinnar’s office, I started calling psychologists that were in the area of Reston to beg them to see me that same day. I wanted to save time and gas, and why wait? After a few tries, I found a psych willing to see me that same day! This was definitely a sign that things were working in my favor!

First, there is a specialized standardized test for patients undergoing bariatric operations. I guess someone took the time to study this very particular subset of patients and determine which factors were important for the success of the operation. Anyway, just a lot of questions about feelings, emotions, how I felt about my medical conditions and life in general, very predictable in the way they wanted you to answer. I tried to be truthful. But it’s hard when you know the right answer. That took about an hour, and then the psych met with me personally to gauge my success rate I guess. I barely let him talk! I talked about how excited I was, how I couldn’t wait, how I was pissed at doctors in general for not knowing this procedure would highly benefit me, I talked about eating habits, now and when I was a child. About when I started to gain weight, what I had tried. And that was it! I got it done! I went home feeling productive and that a lot had been accomplished for one day.

Got the Money!!

2008-01-17T21:48:00.000+01:00

I called up my bank and inquired about personal loans. I was approved within 5 minutes. That’s service.

So now I have the money. The only thing standing in my way was time. If I could only get everything done and in place by Feb 15th, I would be a happy camper. I want this done NOW.

The worst B-Day EVER

2008-01-16T21:46:00.000+01:00

One of my most depressing b-days ever. I went and bought MY OWN CAKE. Sugar free of course. Instead of writing my papers, I spent the day finding doctors that would perform the procedure AND were covered by my insurance. By luck, I found the father of the doctor that gave the seminar is a preferred provider of BCBS. I learned that although the operation was covered mostly by my insurance, there was still a substantial amount out-of-pocket. But I was able to get an appointment for the following week!

Making the Decision

2008-01-15T21:42:00.000+01:00

I couldn’t take it anymore. I made my decision today. I was probably the most depressed I had felt in the last 7-9 years. I had just learned I gained 10 lbs because of Christmas, and my sugar levels were not doing well. What really pushed me over the edge and depressed me so much started on December 31st. I needed a CPAP machine and mask to sleep. I had sleep apnea and was not breathing throughout the whole night. On the last day of 2007, I started using the sleep mask. I saw myself, age 32, needing a mask and machine to breathe at night. What else in my body would go wrong by age 40?

My 33rd birthday was the 16th, and I didn’t feel like celebrating. I didn’t want to see people, I didn’t want people to call me and wish me a happy birthday, I didn’t want to hear people ask me what cool plans I had. I had no plans. None. I had papers to write, it was the middle of the week, we both had work, and who would take care of N anyway?

Making the decision felt good; I felt like now I had something to plan. I got back on the website and learned the first step was probably to attend a seminar. I have no idea what they expected me to learn that was not already on the website, but I checked the calendar. There was one that same day. I thought to myself that this was a sign, it was a test of my resolve. If I could make it to that seminar, I could change my life.

Although I don’t usually do things so spontaneously, I decided to go that same night. By myself if I had to. I would have preferred company, but time was running out. So I drove out all the way to Reston.

What did I take away from the seminar? That it was a relatively simple procedure, the biggest obstacle was money. Once I wrapped my head around that fact, everything else surrounding the procedure was simple. I left wanting that procedure done right away. I remember being pissed at the medical profession in general for not suggesting this earlier. I mean, if I knew about this procedure, why didn’t other doctors know? If it was not for my insistence, I would not have made it this far! Did they really expect me to lose 150 lbs by walking 30 minutes every day and eating healthy??? Yes, I was pissed. I felt all this time I was being set up for failure…

Indecision 2008

2008-01-09T02:56:00.000+01:00

Hm, this is a cool quiz. It's supposed to match you up with the current presidential candidates. Of course, I don't know who half of these people are! Try it out.

83% Hillary Clinton
80% Chris Dodd
79% Barack Obama
78% John Edwards
76% Dennis Kucinich
75% Mike Gravel
71% Joe Biden
71% Bill Richardson
50% Rudy Giuliani
40% John McCain
31% Tom Tancredo
30% Mike Huckabee
29% Mitt Romney
25% Ron Paul
17% Fred Thompson

2008 Presidential Candidate Matching Quiz

Super me

2007-12-30T04:13:00.001+01:00

I don't know why I have the sudden urge to do everything right. The house has to meet a certain threshold of organization, the Christmas decorations must be up before Thanksgiving and just perfect, Thanksgiving must be planned and executed according to plan, N's birthday must be beautiful, must get the right cake, must decorate correctly according to mental plan. Christmas presents must be bought and must arrive before Christmas Eve, presents must have a personal touch. Even then, I am critical about how i could have done things better, planned better, gotten started earlier, etc.

Heck, it's not like anybody is grading me. But I like it when people notice I've done a good job. There is no excuse for not getting stuff done. If there's not enough time, then stop watching TV, stop wasting time somewhere else, but get it done. I am the conserver of traditions, and the CEO of this family.

I want to be the best of two worlds: the stay-at-home mom who is working full-time.

If only I could apply such dedication and such performance to my studies, I'd be less stressed all the time! Schoolwork is coming in second to home life right now. It's a unique year, when else will I have as much time as now with a full-time paycheck?

Let's see if 2008 is better than 2007...

My First Meme

2007-11-07T02:45:00.000+01:00

I've been tagged by Academom for a meme.

1. I am constantly surprised by the things I don't know about raising a child even though I am the oldest of 6.

2. I have recently started to cook all the time. Not for pleasure, but for variety and ease of cleanliness.

3. I am slowly against my will becoming a perfectionist. And very critical.

4. Did you know I graduated cum laude from Chemical Engineering?

5. I consider myself happy. In varying degrees sometimes, but happy.

6. I am very self critical but I am able to see my good qualities as well.

7. I found it incredibly difficult to come up with seven facts. Not because I don't have enough to put out there, but because I had a hard time selecting a set of seven. I felt all seven had to have a degree of connectivity, even though they ended up not having it.

A month later

2007-09-17T02:43:00.000+02:00

So almost a month after my last post, a lot has changed. I've started school full time. Now my schedule is not my own, but my professors'. Everything revolves around due dates, papers, group projects, and the shadow of the thesis. Just like undergrad, except I have a family household to run now. There's bills to pay, appointments, service calls, oil changes, dinners, grocery shopping, quality time with a husband, quality time with a daughter, etc.

I am slowly falling into a routine of doing it all. Because in the end, you just get up and do what you have to do, whether you are single or married with 7 kids.

I guess I've gotten spoiled. After engineering, I was so burnt out I needed a rest. And I got one, an 8 year rest. Now it's time to go back in and show everyone my neurons are still firing. I was surprised to find out they are still firing!! I'm understanding the material, I'm even understanding the undertones of the material, but I'm still trying to figure the people out.

I think I have a thesis topic, it will have something to do with infectious disease I think. Not anywhere near my area of expertise, but that will just make it interesting I guess. I just keep thinking, it's only for a year. I can sacrifice a bit of time and sleep for a year. After a year I'll have my master's and I'll move on.

I got my first paper back, I got a 94%. Not bad. There was still that twinge of "why didn't I get 100%?" but I'm trying to squash that voice. I am going to learn to accept it and move on.

N in July & August of 2007

2007-08-21T18:14:00.000+02:00

I know everyone loves pictures, so here's some of my favorite subject (no, not me...), N!!

Photos of Inarú - July & Aug 2007

A new endeavor

2007-08-21T18:07:00.000+02:00

I have not forgotten about you, dear blog. It's just been busy lately, is all. I've been packing up my office the last few days, archiving files, tying up loose ends. I was also checking in to my next assignment: a Master's program.

I will be studying full time for the next year in pursuit of a Master's degree, in a program sponsored by the State Dept. I will have little time, but I will continue to attempt to post entries of interest. Classes start next week.

I am really excited but extremely nervous. It's been so long since I use my noggin', I may have forgotten how! I'll have to start flexing that muscle again...

I need rehab

2007-08-03T19:06:00.000+02:00

Okay, it is official. I am addicted to Facebook.

I log on several times a day, even at home, and I NEVER used the pc at home. Now I'm going nuts scanning all the old photographs I can find and "tagging" all the people whose names I can remember.

It is definitely better than MySpace and Friendster. It's easier to find people, classmates, coworkers, etc, and has a cleaner look to it. It is consistent, so you always know where to find stuff on people's different profiles. And I'm sorry, but those layouts are very annoying and distracting on MySpace!!

Best of all, ads are subtle and off to the side, I haven't gotten any spam in my inbox yet (like the crap I get in MySpace!), and it just looks more grown up and elegant. The fun applications are cutesy and kitschy, but it's easy to get rid of them to clean up your page. And my virtual garden and aquarium are growing nicely, thank you.

It almost makes me wish everyone had a facebook profile, it would make it so easy to plan get-togethers, reunions, and share photos. I feel like I fell off the face of the earth once I graduated from college and lost contact with everyone, and even worse when I went to China. Now I feel like I came home to find everyone there, a little older, married, with kids, with serious jobs, but there all along after all.

So, will someone show me the way to the nearest Facebook Rehabilitation Facility?

Stranger Than Fiction

2007-07-31T16:18:00.000+02:00

Last night we saw a strange movie for Will Ferrell. It is not his usual slapstick comedy. Stranger than Fiction is about a boring IRS dude who has no life, but starts hearing his life narrated as he moves through life. He hears a woman's voice narrating his actions and thoughts. Eventually, his life is no longer routine, and he starts doing new things, getting out of his routine and his comfort zone. And suddenly, he hears the narrator say he will die. He realizes he doesn't want to die now, because his life just got interesting.

The narrator's voice ends up being a real writer, who is writing a story about the IRS dude. Believe me, it is much less complicated than it seems. It is not a typical Ferrell comedy, and if you are expecting one, you will be sorely disappointed. On the other hand, if you watch it with an open mind, you will find it cute. Not an Oscar winner, but cute.

Emma Thompson is your typical neurotic, chain-smoking, quirky, depressed writer. Well, at least she is all those things when under stress. At the end she looked very normal and well-adjusted. Dustin Hoffman as professor is semi-credible. He almost seemed an older "Graduate". Will was cute as a strait-laced IRS auditor, and Maggie Gyllenhall was perfect in her role. Except that Will and Maggie looked a little odd as a couple. Am I the only one that feels Will looks a little awkward in his body?

Adal didn't like the ending, felt it was too Hollywood-y. But hey, THEORETICALLY speaking, if the whole movie goes on about someone's almost-inevitable death, it would make sense to not kill the guy. If you kill the guy, there is no twist. I don't know, it felt okay to me. But hey, try arguing with a writer, a person who studies this type of thing. I can only relate from the reader or viewer's side.

And I loved the little special effects embedded in the movie!