20% Baby Loaded!

8 Weeks = 20% complete!  Based on a 40 week pregnancy of course.  Today is the day we chose to "come out of the closet" with the news to most of our friends and family, and this is the pic we used.

There is always the fear that coming out with the news too early could cause more grief if something were to happen during the pregnancy.  Risks are greater in the first trimester.  I'd like to think that I would have a greater support network if something were to happen if my friends and family are aware of what's going on.  But let's hope for the best.

Not my best shot; jet-lagged, after a full day of work, tired from the first weeks of pregnancy, hungry.

My first suspicions something was up came December 17th.  I was three days late, and my breasts were very tender.  We were leaving for PR early the next morning and I was packing.  I was wondering if I should pack feminine hygiene products for the plane when on a whim I took a home pregnancy test I had lying around.  O-M-G.  I yelled for A immediately because I couldn't trust my eyes.  "Do you see what I see?  How do you interpret that?"  I think both of our chins hit the floor.  I jumped on the computer and googled "false positives" and learned that if a test was expired, it COULD give you a false positive.  So I pushed A out the door to visit our closest pharmacy here in Stockholm and get me some new ones.  The tender breasts were an early symptom for N as well, so I feared it was accurate.

Two more positive tests later, I still was trying to rationalize any other reasons for abnormal hcG levels. I knew it was extremely early on, and was fearful that it just was TOO early to fully accept it.  I mean, a million things could happen: ectopic pregnancy, an empty yolk sac, a medical condition in my uterus, an early but passing pregnancy.  The reality is that at my age, you learn to be cautious.

While in PR, I tried first one doctor (horrible experience after waiting hours and hours in a too full room) and then another (this one at the much snootier Ashford).  All in all, in PR I ended up getting at least 4 sonograms!  The first one, at what I estimate was around 5 weeks, showed only a thickening of the endometrium, a POSSIBLE sign.  The second at around week 6, showed a sac but no fetus yet.  The third a week later showed a small fetus, AND A HEARTBEAT!  A few days later, the fetus was very clear and consistent with my projected date.  Once I saw the fetus and heard the heartbeat, I was able to accept that this was really happening to me again!

Most of my friends have asked me about N's reaction to the news, if she knows it.  Yes.  We decided to tell her early on because talking about it around her was going to be a challenge.  So we sat her down, just A and I, and explained that I was pregnant and was growing a baby.  Her reaction was NOT what we expected.  She started jumping up and down and yelling "You're PREGNANT?!?  You're really Pregnant?!?  I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!  You're pregnant!!!  WOW!!!"  The excitement was spontaneous and sincere!  A gave her a small gold pendant with "Big Sister" on it and it really touched her.  I think we are breaking it to her in a way that she feels included, part of the process, and informed.  But her first words of advice to me were, Mom, no alcohol for you!  And no coffee, because what you eat and drink the baby eats and drinks.  Where did she learn this??

While on vacation in PR, she found my first ultrasound photos, the one with no fetus, just a thickening of the tissue.  In her infinite wisdom, she thought they were photos of the baby, and she carefully laid them on the pillow next to her, and fell asleep next to them.  It was touching and special to see!

Perhaps her cutest reaction was when this week she came up to me with wide eyes and said "Mami, you know you have TWO hearts beating inside of you??  You have YOUR heart, and the BABY'S heart.  WOW..."  I think she's fascinated by the whole anatomical function of pregnancy: where the fetus is exactly, how does it eat, does it poop and pee, etc.  I ordered some books for her that I hope will give her more information she'll ever need.

I think what I'm really looking forward to most this time is sharing this experience with N.  I think it will give us an opportunity to talk about what her role can be/will be, to answer questions about our bodies, to give her the opportunity to show empathy, to pick things out together (she wants to pick out the baby's first toy, and she will!).