Full Moon

With 53 lbs less, I feel my body changing. My body chemistry is different, whereas now my favorite perfumes just smell different. Not bad, but the scents are just not as strong on me as before. I feel my hormone levels changing, becoming more sensitive to other factors, such as menstrual cycles, temperature, weather, humidity, etc. It seems like my body is trying to equalize/regulate these new hormone levels. Belly fat is notorious for helping to increase estrogen levels, and I imagine in the reverse, the loss of belly fat increases testosterone levels. I feel more driven, more energetic, more aggressive but in a productive way, very difficult to explain.

A couple of months ago, as I was approaching a menstrual cycle, I felt an uncontrollable urge, literally could not stop myself, from buying chocolate and savoring the taste of cocoa. This had not happened to me in years! Many many years. It was the uncontrollable-ness of the urge that scared me.

And I was feeling weird this week. Maybe it was the fact that A and N went to PR for a week (another long story reserved for another post) and I'm by myself. Or that I actually have time for me, and went on a well-deserved and necessary shopping spree. Or that I'm having fun with my free time this week and doing a million little things for myself. Of course I miss them, but I will see them soon. It's not like they're gone for such a long time.

Or maybe this is my vacation from being mom, wife, boss, planner. This is my week to rediscover that I still have an identity all by myself, I don't have to compromise who I feel I am when I am other things as well.

My theory is that it is the full moon that has me like this. I feel it pulling and tugging on my innards, like a wake-up call to life. The moon is so large in the sky, feels so close and engorged, that I feel the connection straight through my spine. Something is changing, and I don't know where it's taking me yet...