...with Fridays. The possibilities of the weekend stretch before you. Shopping, friends, play, lazy mornings.
So many things to do this weekend! My thanksgiving plans include lots of people, as always, and there's always tons to do. On the list is getting bedding arrangements ready, decorating the fireplace mantle for Christmas for our annual Christmas shot, getting the Chrismas shot, organizing the basement and garage a bit for the influx of people, and firming up our menu.
I'm feeling a little better with the lapband. I think it's where it needs to be. There's still some discomfort with solid food but I think it will get better. I'm getting some heartburn, but Tums are helping. I'm hoping to see some normal loss in the next few weeks.
I hate to start anything new this time of year because there's no routine. I tried out a gym at one of the buildings in the area. The pros are that equipment is top notch, very few people use it, it has showers, and it's FREE. Cons: far, too difficult to use at lunchtime, can't do it everyday. But I WENT. I WORKED OUT. And I can't believe how well it felt. I hadn't tried exercising since I've lost the bulk of the weight, and I was surprised again by how empowered it made me feel. How exactly it is going to fit into my schedule I haven't quite figured out yet. I have some ideas, but this time of year everything is so crazy. Especially when I want to get N into some activities as well. It's just a crazy time and I doubt it will slow down until inauguration day in January. Still, a little chaos never hurt anybody :)...
Friday, November 21, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
With the holidays fast approaching...
Looking back at my last post, I have some updates to report. Almost two weeks after that post, I had to have an unfill. I woke up yesterday morning to get to work tired from not sleeping, gagging several times during the night, coughing, and the last straw, not being able to tolerate even water. These are all telltale signs that the LapBand is too tight. I have not eaten solid foods in about 2 to 3 days. So why was I okay two weeks ago, even blogging about how hungry I felt?
Sometimes when the band is just a little too tight, you're able to down liquids fine, but as you move to mushy foods and then solids, you start irritating a narrow opening. The more irritated, the more swelling, the more narrow it becomes. I'm sure what brought me over the edge was the edema (swelling) one gets prior to the monthly cycle. I must be very close to my ideal tightness, which makes it hard to tweak.
The doctor admitted to me he didn't really think I needed much tightening the last time I came in. Given the symptoms, he readily agreed to take a tinsy bit out, not too much to avoid having to come in too soon. His suggestion was to take it easy and stay on liquids a little bit longer until the edema and irritation goes down a bit, and then I should be okay.
On the up side, I was down 6 lbs from less than 2 weeks ago. This weight loss didn't feel so great because it was from starvation, rather than controlled intake. I would not be surprised if I gained a few back, which is fine, as I rather lose the weight in a healthy manner. Part of my fear of gaining the weight back (and my anal OCD with being tight enough) is that I typically gain about 5-10 lbs if not more around the holidays. In fact, last year, from November to January, is when I gained the last 10-15 lbs that really put me over the edge on my health.
Therefore, I feel the compulsive need to combat those bad eating habits that creep up this time of year when you're with friends and family. I checked out a gym close to work and I'm going to try it at lunch time. No promises, no long-term commitment, just trying it out. But I did buy a brand new pink gym bag... :)
Sometimes when the band is just a little too tight, you're able to down liquids fine, but as you move to mushy foods and then solids, you start irritating a narrow opening. The more irritated, the more swelling, the more narrow it becomes. I'm sure what brought me over the edge was the edema (swelling) one gets prior to the monthly cycle. I must be very close to my ideal tightness, which makes it hard to tweak.
The doctor admitted to me he didn't really think I needed much tightening the last time I came in. Given the symptoms, he readily agreed to take a tinsy bit out, not too much to avoid having to come in too soon. His suggestion was to take it easy and stay on liquids a little bit longer until the edema and irritation goes down a bit, and then I should be okay.
On the up side, I was down 6 lbs from less than 2 weeks ago. This weight loss didn't feel so great because it was from starvation, rather than controlled intake. I would not be surprised if I gained a few back, which is fine, as I rather lose the weight in a healthy manner. Part of my fear of gaining the weight back (and my anal OCD with being tight enough) is that I typically gain about 5-10 lbs if not more around the holidays. In fact, last year, from November to January, is when I gained the last 10-15 lbs that really put me over the edge on my health.
Therefore, I feel the compulsive need to combat those bad eating habits that creep up this time of year when you're with friends and family. I checked out a gym close to work and I'm going to try it at lunch time. No promises, no long-term commitment, just trying it out. But I did buy a brand new pink gym bag... :)
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Feels like a Setback
I am so anxious. I got a fill on Monday, less than 2 weeks apart from the previous one. And I'm so hungry. Not like before the surgery, but I am gripped with terror about gaining one ounce back. I also have this fear about winter. Winter is when everyone gains weight. But I refuse to succumb, not after I've experienced how well I feel. I will need to make another appointment, only this one will be in the hospital center instead of the doctor's office. After several months, they like to take a better look at the band by x-ray.
I know I have to start exercising regularly. I know I need something more than "shopping" as an exercise activity on the doctor's form. My resistance is purely psychological. I used to think of myself as the one on the sidelines with a cigarette and a drink, not the one actually doing exercise. But I know my time has come. That I must overcome the mental barriers to health. To recognize that there are no valid excuses. That people exercise in the heat, in the cold, in the mornings, at noon, in the afternoon, with kids, with dogs, when they're tired, when they're on vacation, on days off, on busy days, and so on. Think of an excuse and I will find a way around it. Except to actually do it. I can't find why. I have searched inwardly and don't know why I'm so resistant to it. Especially since eventually I will have to do something.
I think a part of me doesn't want to be seen as one of "those people." You know, those people who are uber healthy, pencil-thin, vegan, sip non-fat lattes, go hiking on the weekends with their yellow labs, eat an apple for lunch, take their kids to baby yoga in their expensive $800 Bugaboo strollers, you know what I mean. But who cares??? Who really cares what others think? As long as I'm healthy and happy, doesn't that trump whatever I think others are thinking? And what's wrong with being "those people" if that's what makes them happy? Who am I to judge? Is it a fear of being one of "those people" or is it a fear of NOT being able to be one of them? Do I fear an exclusivity that doesn't exist? Who knows!! I really don't have the answer to this one, but this is part of the purpose of writing here, to work things out in my mind as I write. You just have the privilege of evidencing my mental diarrhea...
This brings me to my one to-do item today. To check out a gym close to work. There is a discount for DoS employees. So here I go. No promises, just baby steps...
I know I have to start exercising regularly. I know I need something more than "shopping" as an exercise activity on the doctor's form. My resistance is purely psychological. I used to think of myself as the one on the sidelines with a cigarette and a drink, not the one actually doing exercise. But I know my time has come. That I must overcome the mental barriers to health. To recognize that there are no valid excuses. That people exercise in the heat, in the cold, in the mornings, at noon, in the afternoon, with kids, with dogs, when they're tired, when they're on vacation, on days off, on busy days, and so on. Think of an excuse and I will find a way around it. Except to actually do it. I can't find why. I have searched inwardly and don't know why I'm so resistant to it. Especially since eventually I will have to do something.
I think a part of me doesn't want to be seen as one of "those people." You know, those people who are uber healthy, pencil-thin, vegan, sip non-fat lattes, go hiking on the weekends with their yellow labs, eat an apple for lunch, take their kids to baby yoga in their expensive $800 Bugaboo strollers, you know what I mean. But who cares??? Who really cares what others think? As long as I'm healthy and happy, doesn't that trump whatever I think others are thinking? And what's wrong with being "those people" if that's what makes them happy? Who am I to judge? Is it a fear of being one of "those people" or is it a fear of NOT being able to be one of them? Do I fear an exclusivity that doesn't exist? Who knows!! I really don't have the answer to this one, but this is part of the purpose of writing here, to work things out in my mind as I write. You just have the privilege of evidencing my mental diarrhea...
This brings me to my one to-do item today. To check out a gym close to work. There is a discount for DoS employees. So here I go. No promises, just baby steps...
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